Monday, July 9, 2012

MasterChef Recap Episode 11

Episode 11

Tali's audition photo for the new Three Stooges movie

Poisonous sea urchin.  Yeah, right.  Does anybody really believe that?

Bitchin' Becky: Ugh. What a prissy little bitch. A little know it all, knows every answer to every question never asked, and the crap she throws at Hot Stuff Monti is bullshit.  Thankfully Monti doesn't take any bullshit.  See below.

Monti: "She can kiss my Puerto Rican ass."  Oh...yes please.

Tali: "I've never seen anyone with my type of dish because it's never been done."  You've never seen anyone with your type of dish because your type of dish is most likely terrible.

More Bitchin' Becky: "It's a giant bowl of pasta with everything ever in there. At least it's not on fire." I think if pushed too far, Monti is capable of making that bowl serve as Becky's bedpan.

Christine: Giving her the salmon which, according to the judges, is the easiest fish to cook. Good move or bad?  We'll find out...

More Tali: "It's frustrating when Chef Ramsay interrupts me in the middle of my creative genius explosion. It's kind of like interrupting a master artist like Picasso." Or in your case it's like interrupting one of the Three Stooges as they try to figure out calculus.

Felix: "I think she got lucky cooking it so good for her." Oh shut up.  Monti's been consistent ever since she started.  The same can't be said for you.

David: Dude should be a poker player. I don't think he's capable of showing any emotion whatsoever.

Judges: I love how they ask overly obvious questions.  When David's fish is raw, Joe asks "Is this what you wanted?" Graham asks "You know someone's going home today, right?"

Even More Tali: Dude got ripped a new one. When I get the chance I'll post the text of Joe's epic speech because it was really a good one.  Naturally, Tali disagrees with the judges' assessment of his nasty gourmet: "They can't see the beauty and the genius that is my food." Well, yeah, when Larry, Moe, and Curly are combined into one person and trying to cook seafood over a fire-pit of plastic combs, it's kinda hard to see the genius, Tali. It's MasterChef, not MasterBait.

Joe's Beatdown of Tali: The name of the show is MasterChef. What do Chefs do?
Tali: Chefs cook.
Joe: That's right. So it's not Master Oilator or Master Tell Me What My Intention is About Cooking. It's MasterChef. You think you're going to impress us with things like suve(?) and mulcify(???)? So at the end of the day what you have here is basically destroyed lentils because I can see they're all exploded and overcooked. You have a bunch of herb scraps with now dressing on them. You got a piece of fatty nasty looking bacon on top of some poorly conceived cooked arctic char. You've consistently disappointed us.

Damn.  Joe laying down the law.

Even More Bitchin' Becky: "I'm so disappointed! And I can't believe Monti's dish was better than mine!"  OOOH NOOOO WAAAAAAH!!!!

Yet More Tali: "Why don't they see the genius that's right in front of them?"  Okay, Tali, the genius talk is just getting ridiculous now.

So Felix's victory of the Mystery Box completely deceived her, as she screwed up her own dish and didn't get rid of any of the real competition.  Chefs like Monti and Frank are good for a reason.  Joe's assessments I think were pretty fair today considering Felix tried to send a ripple through the competition but instead just wound up getting rid of the worst chef still there.

Yes, Tali is finally gone.  The delusional rat and self-proclaimed genius can now join the Flavor Elevator in doing whatever it is Flavor Elevators do.

Overall a good and interesting episode.

I had to try. Larry turned out best