Monday, June 30, 2014

Gold Plated Doritos?

Here's a bizarre promotion I came across at Albertsons that I'm sure others have wondered about as well. So you buy a bag of Doritos and then you have a chance to win...a gold plated Dorito? What the hell? Check it out:

More like "You Could WTF a gold-plated Doritos limited edition chip replica" I the only one asking WTF is going on here? This isn't a promotion to win money or a trip or even a new lawnmower. No, this is a promotion to win...a gold chip replica? What the hell is a gold chip replica? You mean, like, a gold potato chip? But it's a replica of a potato chip? Why would anyone want to win a replica potato chip? What butthole walks into the market and says "WHOA! I COULD WIN A GOLD REPLICA POTATO CHIP! HEY, I GOTTA HAVE THIS!!!"

It's almost like someone in the marketing department was doing someone else a favor. It's like the company president told marketing "My eight year old daughter came up with this idea so make it happen." 

One winning bag per display and probably a billion displays in the about limited

I like how the bags say "Jacked" on them. Yeah, this is a jacked up promotion all right. And if it's a replcia of a 24K gold-plated Dorito, then does that mean it's not real gold? It has to mean that. It's a replica of gold. So it's fake...whatever the prize actually is. 

Just think, somewhere in this display is a winning Jacked bag for a "limited edition" gold chip replica!

I don't know, man. This promotion is just weird since my first thought when looking at this is just wtf. Doritos usually has great promotions and creative marketing. Either the president's eight year old daughter is now head of the marketing department or someone was sniffing the powdered cheese when putting this idea together. 

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

The Promiscuous Fork (Pacific Beach)

THE PROMISCUOUS FORK - Oh, I had such high hopes for this place. With such an orgasmic name you'd hope this joint would deliver the goods but unfortunately it falls short. First of all, this is the "sequel" to the main location in La Jolla which, according to Yelp reviews, is like a staple to the area. Second, this location just opened up within the past couple of months so it's understandable that there may be a few kinks to work out. Possibly. Maybe. I'm not sure. But let's get right into it.

The menu is interesting. Pork quesadillas, lamb lollipops, and jalapeno poppers highlighted the appetizer section while a jalapeno burger and crab/pastrami sandwich highlighted the entrees. Naturally I went with neither and instead selected "Just a Forkin' Burger" because I wasn't feeling adventurous and was sitting with a bunch of girls, so I couldn't risk a jalapeno burger in the event that it was too hot, otherwise I'd look like a wuss. Yes, if you order jalapenos and can't down them then you're a wuss. Just sayin'.

Anyway, the burger was good and looks just as impressive:

I know, you see the macaroni salad and think I'm turning into a loser for the not ordering fries but the odd thing about this place is THEY DON'T HAVE ANY!!! In fact, they have no fried food. In rumor, the owner doesn't believe in fried foods, hence the restaurant does not have a fryer, therefore there are no fries. But what are you really sacrificing in terms of calories with a burger this size? It actually seems kind of pretentious that they'd serve a burger this big with jalapenos covered in cream cheese, bacon, and grease yet refuse to give us fries. More like the Pretentious Fork, am I right? For that same non-fried food belief, there are no desserts on the menu which doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Not even ice cream. I mean, you don't need a fryer for desserts...come to think of it you don't need a fryer for some kind of potato side either. I don't get it.

Anyway, the macaroni salad tasted like shit. Seriously, some of the worst I've ever had. It tasted as if the noodles had been simmering in a pool of tepid water and then lightly seasoned with the crap stuck beneath my shoe. It was absurd how awful this stuff was but the other sides of coconut jalapeno rice and quinoa weren't anything to get excited about. YEAH! MY HALF POUND BURGER AND GREASY JALAPENO POPPERS COME WITH A SIDE OF QUINOA! #EXXXCITED!!!

The actual layout of the restaurant is pretty horrible. It's one of those places where you order at the counter and then they give you a number and bring the food to your table. So to do this they have a line forming right down the middle of the restaurant, which means if you're seated at any of those middle-quadrant tables, you're gonna have people standing next to you as they wait to order food. Dude, who the hell designed this? I could only imagine how miserable it would be sitting there in the event that Sammy Shitty Pants decides to stop by for some grub. Oh yeah, when you pay they have a section on the receipt for a tip. I love that, asking for a tip before any service has been provided whatsoever. Real cool. 

So yeah. The burgers are good but there's not much else going on that would make me want to return. Like at all. I'd say change the ordering format and get over your grudge of fried foods (or perhaps explore new ideas) as a way to improve. And the macaroni salad? Flush it down the toilet cause that's the only mouth that'll be willing to down it. 

Monday, June 23, 2014

I Pissed Off Purina

Well, maybe in the smallest of senses I managed to tick them off. I came across the below bag of Beggin' Strips on the clearance shelf at Albertsons last week.

The most important thing when purchasing dog treats is to know where the bag was printed

Obviously the "Printed in the USA" is the most important piece of information here since, you know, the bag is what our dogs are going to be consuming.

So anyway, these were on the clearance rack. Not sure why. Maybe they weren't selling. We've all been hearing about the dog food and treat recalls of products that are either made in China or utilize ingredients from China, so pet owners are becoming much more observant of what they're feeding their four legged friends. Unfortunately there's a lot of grey in what the FDA requires pet food companies to put on their labels in relation to where the ingredients come from. Sure, it can be manufactured in St. Louis, but where are the ingredients originating? There aren't any regulations to list that on the package, though I do believe there are regulations that state if the company is asked, they have to be truthful.

I took this "Printed in USA" bag to Twitter. Keep in mind that Beggin' Strips are produced by Purina which is owned by Nestle, so this is big business we're talking here. What happened next...kind of ticked me off. Here is the brief yet informational exchange with some of my added commentary:

wyld_stallyn (me): #purina #begginstrips manufactured in US, bag printed in US, but where are the ingredients from? @Purina @Beggin #huh
Beggin (them): Most ingredients are sourced near our plants and a limited amount from other countries. Chat us: - BT
PS: After each of their tweets they become more and more adamant about chatting with them. Since they're trying to avoid admitting where their ingredients come from, it's pretty obvious why.
emilie80 (another girl who decided to chime in): @wyld_stallyn @Purina @Beggin I would stick strictly to USA products. These were making dogs sick.
wyld_stallyn: Cool, which countries?
Beggin: @emilie80 All Beggin products are made in the USA. Please chat us with questions: Thanks so much - B/T
Beggin: @wyld_stallyn We'd love to assist you further. Please chat us here: We look forward to chatting with you. - B/T.
PS: See what just happened here? They want to get us off their Twitter as quickly and quietly as possible. The only problem, however, is that Beggin already set themselves up by saying in the beginning that they get some ingredients from other countries, which obviously means the person I'm talking to knows exactly where they're coming from but has been trained to avoid saying "China" wherever possible.
wyld_stallyn: That's nice of you but all I really wanna know is which countries you previously mentioned that your ingredients come from.
PS: Checkmate. I suppose I could have said "Cool, like Germany, England, or the Falkland Islands?"
Beggin: We do source a limited amount from other countries including China. Thank you. - B/T.
PS: I think I ruined his day. Notice he didn't want to chat with me anymore. But Purina had to try and save face here.
Purina: @emilie80 This isn't true. Our products are 100% safe to feed. Chat us here for more info  -
PS: Purina is referencing emilie80's above comment, not refuting what Beggin said, nor bothering to address anything I had said. 
wyld_stallyn: @Beggin thank you for the information :)
wyld_stallyn: @Purina @emilie80 As long as ingredients are coming from China then that's what people are going to believe.

So there you have it. Now, let me be clear: I realize it's difficult to get pet food products that don't contain ingredients from China because A) these big pet food companies are so deceiving and B) the stuff that's not from these big companies can sometimes be more expensive and harder to find. But when you ask a company where their ingredients come from, they should be confident in giving you an answer and it's pretty clear here that this guy was trained to avoid using the C word and try to get me off the Twitter waves. His goal was to get me to chat with them, not to answer my question, but he clearly set himself up from the beginning when he mentioned the importing of ingredients from other countries.

Always know what you're feeding your pet. In fact, if you check out a non-chain pet store you're gonna find food and treats that are far superior in quality to the kind you'd find at Petsmart or Petco. The reality is you CAN make a pet food without importing ingredients from China or basing the entire production of them there, and whichever multi-billion dollar company decides to finally invest some money will get a HUGE PR bump.

Thanks Purina. Great customer service skills you got there. Just kidding. It was horrible. Bad customer service = bad press.