Thursday, September 15, 2011

Food Commercials That I Hate - Volume 2

Here, for your reading/viewing enjoyment, is Volume 2 of the food commercials that I absolutely can't stand.

Subway - Mrs. Jared Fogle

I've ranted numerous times of how uncool of a spokesperson Jared is and how I'd like to get into a fight with him...and this commercial just clinches it.  Check it out:


Sometimes it's hard to put such disdain into words.  First off, hot woman calls you, wants something romantic, suggests French, is lighting candles, is probably wearing some ridiculously hot lingerie beneath those clothes, and your response is...to get Subway.  And not only that, but this guy is so lame that he butts in with "and low fat!"  Wow.  Way to go, Captain Cool.  And seriously - she mentions French, Japanese, and Mexican.  In what world does Subway classify as French, Japanese, or Mexican?  Because it has salsa and jalapenos?  Jared, you're such a dork.

Horrible, horrible commercial.

Mountain Dew - Hoobastink

Mountain Dew put out a series of commercials a few years back where people were doing 360's in the air and performing all these crazy stunts over a can of soda.  This commercial tops them because not only does it exhibit an exorbitant amount of stupidity, but it does it over a song from Hoobastink (yes, I know what I said).


First of all, this driver guy looks like a ventriloquist dummy that came to life and is pondering the idea of becoming a skinhead.  He does a sharp 180 in the middle of the street because he forgot his soda.  Cool.  He left the soda, for some reason, on some guy's car.  He peels out.  He speeds.  He crashes into boxes of...stuff...does a spiraling 360 in the air, snatches the soda, and then, like a total joker, holds the can a few inches away from his stupid face and pours the soda into his mouth, all the while listening to Hoobastink in an effort to be cool.  

I mean, what the hell is going on here?  What kind of garbage is this?  He smashes car into a pile of crates and flings through the air...for a can of Mountain Dew?  This isn't cool, this is just stupid.

Horrible, horrible commercial.  

Domino's Pizza - Tate's Chicken


Another guy I can't stand is Domino's Pizza CEO J. Patrick Doyle, and this commercial is the major reason why.  First of all, is this jerkhead trying to give Tate a nervous breakdown or something?  I mean, just look at this Tate guy.  It's obvious this dude is not a stable individual, he's nervous as nuts, and he probably has a stash of illegal drugs in his office.  What kind of CEO does this?  Market a major product onto the shoulders of one guy?  And what's even more idiotic is that Tate isn't excited about this at all.  HEY!  NEWS FLASH!  If this guy doesn't care then why should I?  If this guy isn't confident in his food then why are you launching this huge campaign other than to completely embarrass him?  Dumb.  

Horrible, horrible commercial.

Thanks for reading!

2 comments:

  1. Jared is a total douche and what really bothers me is that I bet he pulls the vapid vixens when he's in Vegas (or someplace equally douchey).
    A) it bugs me because he is a total dork and
    B) women like that are themselves douches for wanting to hang out with Captain DoucheSandwich. So gross.

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  2. I know, right? Jared is seriously one of the most, if not the most, uncool spokespersons. He's like that kid in school that would always get picked on but no one knew exactly why. He just has that aura that says "come beat me up! Please! Come give me a swirlie! Come steal my lunch! Please!"

    I'm glad we're in agreement!

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