Review: Hays Street Cafe

Yesterday I wrote a review for a nice dinner place in the middle of nowhere.  Today I'm writing a review for a nice breakfast place also in the middle of nowhere: the Hays Street Cafe.

When first making the trip to Bodie last year, the girl working the hotel's front desk said something along the lines of "The Hays Street Cafe has the best breakfast in town.  Actually it has the ONLY breakfast in town." I'm not sure that means anything considering that the breakfast could have consisted of cheese-coated cockroaches and salt-crusted goat testicles and the above quote would still apply.  But I digress. 

This, my friends, is what breakfast should look like:

You know it's a good thing when restaurants make a point of highlighting the fact that they cook with REAL butter as opposed to stupid fake butter

Two eggs over-easy, half plate of hash browns, bacon, and toast.  Really fantastic, really good, really filling.  Last year I didn't have much to say about the breakfast other than it was "good".  Which was true, I wasn't lying.  But now I can rave about it because this was really, really good.

Also as I mentioned with the Virginia Creek Settlement - service is excellent.  Maybe everyone who works there is family.  Wouldn't be all that surprising considering that Bridgeport has a population of about 14 and a half (it's actually about 600 but I was rounding down).  But the cool thing is that in the dining room there's always someone keeping watch in case anybody needs anything.  Granted it's not the biggest restaurant in the world but it's also not the smallest, so it's nice to have that watchful eye that can help you out with something if you need it. 

And what continues to amaze me is how the prices for these little restaurants miles from civilization are about the same as they would be for any other restaurant in a bigger city.  How do they do that?  Maybe they slaughter their own animals, I dunno.

A nice, well-rounded menu, good scenery, and a pretty badass meal prior to spending the day at Bodie.  Check it out.

Virginia Creek Settlement

Been on the road for a few days so I've got some catching up to do with all of the most mouth-watering gourmet I've been downing.

Leading off is the Virginia Creek Settlement located in Bridgeport, California.  Bridgeport is a town of about 600 located 8000 feet up in the Sierras.  It dates back to frontier times and prospers primarily on the tourism seasons, with the epic ghost town Bodie being the main attraction.

The Settlement is one of the few restaurants located up here and I'd say it's safe to say it's the closest thing to a fine dining-type of establishment in a 10,000 mile radius.  So here's what we've got:

New York Steak, a baked potato, and an entire garden of asparagus

Given the proximity of Bridgeport to absolutely nothing, the prices of the food are actually really fair. Whereas prices for gasoline are about a buck higher than the bigger metropolitan areas, the menu here is pretty constant.

The steak was good.  Cooked well and tasted good.  But what the hell is up with the all the asparagus?  Seriously, why so much?  Maybe they're trying to counter the lopsided fat portions with something healthy, even though most restaurants leave their veggies cooking in a pot of full-fat butter.   But whatever. 

Appetizer: beef vegetable soup

I gotta tell you - after 8 hours and 330+ miles on the road through the mountains and desert, this soup was amazingly delicious.  Like whoa. 

Garlic bread

The bread was also refreshing, like that feeling you get after stuffing your face at an all-you-can-eat buffet and before you realize you probably ate too much and then sit in a daze of intense intestinal cramping.

But overall a great place.  Highly recommend if you happen to be snooping around the Sierras.  The other thing is that even in the middle of nowhere you can find superb customer service.  It's amazing how so many restaurants just don't get it, but you drive up the 395 into this tiny little isolated town and it seems like it's second nature.  Really good restaurant.

Got some more good stuff that I've gotta catch up on.  More coming soon!

MasterChef Recap Episode 11

MASTERCHEF

Episode 11

Tali's audition photo for the new Three Stooges movie

Poisonous sea urchin.  Yeah, right.  Does anybody really believe that?

Bitchin' Becky: Ugh. What a prissy little bitch. A little know it all, knows every answer to every question never asked, and the crap she throws at Hot Stuff Monti is bullshit.  Thankfully Monti doesn't take any bullshit.  See below.

Monti: "She can kiss my Puerto Rican ass."  Oh...yes please.

Tali: "I've never seen anyone with my type of dish because it's never been done."  You've never seen anyone with your type of dish because your type of dish is most likely terrible.

More Bitchin' Becky: "It's a giant bowl of pasta with everything ever in there. At least it's not on fire." I think if pushed too far, Monti is capable of making that bowl serve as Becky's bedpan.

Christine: Giving her the salmon which, according to the judges, is the easiest fish to cook. Good move or bad?  We'll find out...

More Tali: "It's frustrating when Chef Ramsay interrupts me in the middle of my creative genius explosion. It's kind of like interrupting a master artist like Picasso." Or in your case it's like interrupting one of the Three Stooges as they try to figure out calculus.

Felix: "I think she got lucky cooking it so good for her." Oh shut up.  Monti's been consistent ever since she started.  The same can't be said for you.

David: Dude should be a poker player. I don't think he's capable of showing any emotion whatsoever.

Judges: I love how they ask overly obvious questions.  When David's fish is raw, Joe asks "Is this what you wanted?" Graham asks "You know someone's going home today, right?"

Even More Tali: Dude got ripped a new one. When I get the chance I'll post the text of Joe's epic speech because it was really a good one.  Naturally, Tali disagrees with the judges' assessment of his nasty gourmet: "They can't see the beauty and the genius that is my food." Well, yeah, when Larry, Moe, and Curly are combined into one person and trying to cook seafood over a fire-pit of plastic combs, it's kinda hard to see the genius, Tali. It's MasterChef, not MasterBait.

Joe's Beatdown of Tali: The name of the show is MasterChef. What do Chefs do?
Tali: Chefs cook.
Joe: That's right. So it's not Master Oilator or Master Tell Me What My Intention is About Cooking. It's MasterChef. You think you're going to impress us with things like suve(?) and mulcify(???)? So at the end of the day what you have here is basically destroyed lentils because I can see they're all exploded and overcooked. You have a bunch of herb scraps with now dressing on them. You got a piece of fatty nasty looking bacon on top of some poorly conceived cooked arctic char. You've consistently disappointed us.

Damn.  Joe laying down the law.

Even More Bitchin' Becky: "I'm so disappointed! And I can't believe Monti's dish was better than mine!"  OOOH NOOOO WAAAAAAH!!!!

Yet More Tali: "Why don't they see the genius that's right in front of them?"  Okay, Tali, the genius talk is just getting ridiculous now.

So Felix's victory of the Mystery Box completely deceived her, as she screwed up her own dish and didn't get rid of any of the real competition.  Chefs like Monti and Frank are good for a reason.  Joe's assessments I think were pretty fair today considering Felix tried to send a ripple through the competition but instead just wound up getting rid of the worst chef still there.

Yes, Tali is finally gone.  The delusional rat and self-proclaimed genius can now join the Flavor Elevator in doing whatever it is Flavor Elevators do.

Overall a good and interesting episode.

I had to try. Larry turned out best

Hell's Kitchen Recap Episode 11

HELL'S KITCHEN

Episode 11

Psycho Bitch Tiffany giving herself a pat on the back

Kimmie: Why does this chick cry after every challenge?  Chill out.  Then Dana starts getting trashed because she's got the balls to lead the team?  Something's not right here.

In the early seasons of HK, the winners would have been flown to Las Vegas on a private jet as opposed to coach on Southwest Airlines.  I guess the producers are starting to penny pinch.

Carrot Top: This may be the worst celebrity spotting in HK since Sasha Vujacic.

"Brian was very into Carrot Top." A little bit of an understatement from the Rolls Royce of Cooking.

Brian: When the guys returned from Vegas you saw Brian making some kind of alien noises that are native to his home planet to which Dana asked "what the #*@! is wrong with you?" Dana, seriously, I don't think anyone knows what the @*!( is wrong with Brian.

Lee Dewyze: This may be the worst celebrity spotting in HK since Carrot Top.  Shouldn't be too surprised.  As the worst winner in American Idol history which includes the distinction of being dropped from his record contract, Lee probably has plenty of time on his hands.

Psycho Bitch Tiffany: I like how she gives herself a pat on the chest as a way of giving herself a pat on the back.  Must be nice to be stoned off your ass at all hours of the day.

Speaking of Psycho Bitch Tiffany, it was great to see her totally pwn Brian and Justin. "This is why you guys get (@*!#$ up!" In true generic white guy fashion, Brian and Justin had absolutely no way to defend themselves because they lack any personality whatsoever.

More Brian: "It took every bit of every thing that I have inside of me not to turn around and shove her head into the fryer."  Every bit of every thing inside of Brian isn't that much just in case you forgot.

Rolls Royce of Cooking: Not surprised he went home at this point. He was walking on egg shells from the beginning but had made some improvements. It's too bad because he's one of the few contestants that actually has a personality this season.

"Everything you think you know about Hell's Kitchen is about to change." HAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah, right. How often does Fox slip that quote in for every promo of every show in their cabinet?

Overall this would have been a decent episode if they had picked any other celebrity other than Lee Dewyze.

Is this how everyone looks if David Beckham likes their pork chop?

4th of July

He makes money for eating like a pig

First of all, I hope everyone had a Happy 4th.

Second of all, I'd like to give a big middle finger to ESPN.  So the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, which has become a national pastime similar to baseball or full fat cheese, always airs live at 9 AM on ESPN (noon eastern time).  For some odd reason this year, Nathan's decided to have the competition at 3 PM instead of noon.  When they realized how weird of an idea this was, they moved it back to noon, however by that time ESPN had already filled that time slot with Wimbledon.  Oops.

The only way to watch the contest live was to stream it on ESPN3.  However, ESPN3 makes you sign up through your cable provider, so if you can't do that then you're SOL. It's not that this is a ridiculously hard task, but...it's just annoying.  It's the same with Fox.  A few years back they used to upload Hell's Kitchen episodes to their website the day after they aired and you could watch them without even signing up.  Now? You gotta do this goofy sign-up through your cable provider or wait 8 days after the initial airing for the episodes to be available.  Hey Fox, you ever hear of YouTube?  It's this really cool new website where people on the east coast upload HK episodes THE SECOND AFTER THEY'RE DONE AIRING.  Legal?  Probably not.  Convenient?  Oh yeah.  8 days? HA!

ESPN still aired the contest in its reserved noon time slot, but by then it was tape delayed and had been over for 3 hours.  To no one's surprise, Joey Chestnut once again annihilated the competition, downing a record-tying 68 hot dogs in 10 minutes for his 6th straight title.  Chestnut is a total baller but without Kobayashi there it's not a competition anymore. The best years of this contest were 2006-2008.  In 2006, Chestnut gave Kobayashi a run for his money but in the end lost 53.75 to 52.  I remember this one distinctly because Chestnut looked like he was about to puke up a tractor the entire time.  The next year Chestnut defeated Kobayashi 66-63, ending his 6-year title run.  The next year they went into overtime with Chestnut defeating Kobayashi by a bite.  Ever since then it's been Chestnut's game.

Sure, they had one more great duel in 2009, but by then this was Chestnut's reign and no one was taking that away.  Kobayashi hasn't returned to the contest since due to contract disputes, so really it's just a question of how many dogs can Chestnut down rather than who's gonna come in first.  Guys like Eater X and Bertoletti have been doing this for years as well and while their numbers continue to rise, they're YEARS behind Chestnut's abilities. They finished second and third this year with 52 and 51 dogs and were actually leading the pack halfway through and wound up LOSING by double digits.  I dunno man.  Chestnut is awesome but I wish there was more parity. Like in hockey.

On another note, there's something really, really attractive about a woman eating 45 hot dogs in 10 minutes.  Just sayin'.

Anyway, here's some of what I ate:

Mmmmmm chili

I didn't down 68 of these bad boys, but I did eat 5 of them.  I was hoping to go for more but apparently I wasn't as hungry as I thought I was. 

A dessert that needs no introduction

The All American Dessert!  

MasterChef Recap Episode 10

MASTERCHEF

Episode 10

"See these red bowling shoes, guys? These are shit!"

Tali: Why the hell is Tali still around? This guy has done absolutely nothing since arriving other than to creep everyone out and serve as Ryan "the Flavor Elevator's" sidekick. Whatever.

Pressure test was a good one.  Rabbit is one of those foods that I've always wanted to try.  Graham's "Rabbit Five Ways" looked outstanding despite the fact that he was feeding us its kidneys and liver. Sorry, organs are where I draw the line.

Becky: This chick is seriously starting to annoy me.  She's like that little know-it-all in school who would always raise her hand after every question and would get upset if she got a B on something.  She's up there jumping around after the victory like she had just won the lottery.  I mean, show some class.  Act like you've been there before. You really think the other chefs are thinking "WOW! Finally Becky won a challenge! Whew!"? The answer is a great big emphatic NO!

Anyway, the real fun of today's episode was during the Elimination Test. As someone who made my first pizza on a pizza stone very recently, I know how tough it can be to make a pizza - especially in an hour.  The reason Tali is still around, I think, is that he DID make a pizza with the pizza stone, whereas the three "worst dishes" were something entirely different. 

"You drew a blank? Hope there's not a blank space at your cooking station tomorrow." Ouch, Douche Alarm going off ten-fold.

More Becky: Ugh. Becky. Bitch Alert: "I know that Monti is a single mother and she does raise her kid on this stuff but this isn't, like, the best Budget Cooking Mom Show, you know? She isn't a Master Chef."  Hey, Becky? Guess what? YOU'RE NOT A MASTER CHEF EITHER! As Kimmie from Hell's Kitchen may say, you're just a Master BITCH!

David: Okay, I find David Martinez hilarious because it seems like everyone can't stand this guy and despite all of the quarrels he's been in, he maintains the same disposition regardless of what's going on. He has that goofy straight face at all times like he's incapable of having any emotions. But he seems to keep his cool in the kitchen, so that helps him greatly.  So first Graham crushes his hopes and then Joe slams - not throws - but slams his food into the trash while calling it shit.  Talk about a bad day. But did anyone else notice the red bowling shoes that Joe was wearing?  I guess he and the gang were planning to hit the lanes after filming or something.

More Tali: Again, the question we're all asking is why is he still here?  And the reason today is that he made a pizza with the pizza stone while the bottom three didn't.  But I couldn't stop laughing when he was getting socked left and right.  And it was vicious too, but it was just the circumstances that I found hilarious. First Ramsay embarrasses him to shit with the mess that is his work station, then they rip his pizza to shreds. He had no chance for this round.  I like how he said "that wasn't my intention" when told it was served on raw crust. 

Tanya: You ever bite into a clove of garlic? It's disgusting. The power of its taste can overwhelm your senses so for the duration of the meal all you can taste is garlic.

Mike went home because he didn't shine at all. The double elimination was kind of random, but Tanya stood no chance in this competition either. It seems like she was crying in every episode. That kind of attitude won't win.  "It's a competition you silly cow!" The judges were probably thinking the same thing, as David deserved to go but he seems to have a stronger personality in the kitchen and can take the heat way better than Tanya. No more of pulling steaks out of her ass. 

Good episode overall. 

Hell's Kitchen Recap Episode 10

HELL'S BITCHIN'

Episode 10

Ladies and gentlemen, one of your season 10 front runners

Announcer: "The women have suffered a big casualty." I guess in Kimmie's case that may be an understatement.

Kimmie's injury: Didn't I say yesterday that Kimmie wasn't going anywhere because of the burn?  So the big cliffhanger they gave us was resolved within two minutes of the next episode. Bite me, editors.

Psycho Bitch Tiffany: "I don't like kids. At all." I don't think Psycho Bitch Tiffany likes anybody. At all.  But seriously, I swear this chick is stoned off her ass during every episode.

Ramsay to Brian: "You make something so simple look so difficult." That's generally what happens when you have an IQ equivalent to the fat content of fat free milk.

Patrick Van Halen: Okay, so, you know how in the advertisement for this episode they tried to play up Patrick royally screwing up? And they had him being "thrown out" of the kitchen? And cursing his mistake? From what they were playing up you'd think he'd served his left testicle on a plate to the Queen of Denmark or something. But no - the reality is he said two filet instead of three. That's it. That was the horrible mistake he made that they were playing up in the promo. Two filet instead of three and OMGERZ PATRICKZZ THROWN OUT!!1111

I genuinely feel bad for Van Halen.  I think he was one of the early front runners but he hasn't really risen to the occasion and whenever he says he's gonna fight back it's hard to believe he's got what it takes.

Royce: The Rolls Royce of Cooking...okay, you know what?  That's pretty good.  He's one of the few people who has both a personality and an attitude.

I love it how hillbillies bob their heads when they yell.  It's really funny.

Robyn: "Keep my friends close, keep my enemies closer. That's why I was keeping you close, Kimmie!" WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOA ROBYN!! WHOOOOOOA!!! THEM ARE SOME PRETTY STRONG WORDS DER!!!!!  Whoa, man. I gotta step back. That was just harsh.

Dana said it best "It is so ghetto right now. JUST SHUT UP!!" I couldn't agree more, Dana.

Brian: "Justin's strong. Clemenza's strong. Brian's strong. I'm not surprised that we're the last three left." That's weird, Brian, because I for one AM surprised that you're one of those three.

So cleaning one's ears out is what caused Robyn to snap and get into Kimmie's face. I'd be afraid of what Robyn would have done if Kimmie had said to kiss her ass.

I love how Kimmie says BITCH, I mean she really pronounces the B with such passion like she really means it.

Wait, Psycho Bitch Tiffany can HEAR eye rolling? WHOA! She totally IS stoned off her ass!

Patrick Van Halen was sent home because, as Ramsay said, "he talked a good game but couldn't back it up with his cooking." Pretty accurate statement.  He did talk a good game and I was rooting for him but he just didn't have it.

So Robyn's on the Blue Team now. Maybe this is where the show finally starts to get interesting. I wouldn't be surprised to see Christina and Dana in the finals, but given the horrible way this season is going it'll probably be Brian.

Again, one of your probable front runners

The thing is - if they hadn't fed us this ridiculous "to be continued" again, and condensed the last two episodes into one, it probably would have been decent. 

Hell's Bitchin' no doubt.