Monday, May 6, 2013

Hell's Kitchen, Season 11, Episode 9 Recap

Season 11, Episode 9 Recap

Gordon's "I'm gonna eat you if you don't stfu" stare

Barret, how is this clown still here?: "My mistakes are so f@*#!&# stupid, like the chicken."  I agree with you completely, Barret.  Your mistakes are stupid and the fact that you're still on this show is more amazing than the fact that Carrot Top still has a standup career.

Barret, how is this clown still here?  Part II: "If it takes something crazy to show Chef Ramsay that I'm serious about this, then that what needs to be done."  So you shave your hair off.  Your logic is absolutely sound.

Jacqueline, slobber machine: "Chef Ramsay reveals these chick slabs of beef.  I'm slobbering in my mouth."

Barret, rubbing his meat in public: "Ooooh yeah.  Oh yeah baby.  Oooooh yeah."  Basically he's getting an orgasm from rubbing black olives all over a slab of steak.  Holy crap this guy is a creep. 

Barret reveals that his day job is impersonating Bane at children's birthday parties

Steak taste testing challenge: Orgasm.

Zachy Wacky, theme song superstar: "Chef Zach, we got a point, Chef Zach, I cooked my ass off, I cooked my ass off."

Mary the Creepy Butcher: "It would be terrible to have to hack up a cow on a beautiful day like this but I'm not gonna lie: hacking up a cow sounds like fun too AHHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!"  

I like how Gordon Ramsay prides himself on his "world class standards" but leaves hacking up the cow to a bunch of guys who have never hacked up a cow before.  Nice to know my $30 steak with half a rib in it was prepared by an amateur.

Anthony, telling it like it is: I have mad respect for Anthony for totally trashing Mikey-Wikey, Barret, and Ray because once again that trio screwed the team.  I also find it humorous that just an episode or two earlier Mikey-Wikey was going off on how he's never had to cook with such amateurs before.  

Gordon, fan of boy bands: "We need both kitchens to be in sync...and I'm not talking about the boy band." Jeez, how long has he been waiting to slip that into something? 

Hair in sliders: Gross.

Barret, get this guy a plane ticket: "Somebody get me out of here...NOW."  Hey Barret, I've been rooting for you to get out of there for several episodes now so, you know, I'm totally on your side with this one.

Ramsay, ageist: "Hey, Raymond, no more senior moments tonight."  Look, I've been annoyed by this since episode one: the guy is 51.  Gordon Ramsay is 46, effectively the second oldest person in that kitchen.  Seriously, gtfo and stfu. 

Amanda vs. Nedra: One of the more boring confrontations in HK history.  Amanda's just kind of annoying to be honest.  Not sure what it is about her, but she's loud and obnoxious.  Kinda like Dane Cook.

Try investing in some raisin bran, Gordon

So Jacqueline goes home.  From the beginning Jacqueline was kind of a middle-of-the-pack chef.  Not really getting ahead, not really falling behind.  Screwing up steak temperatures will obviously magnify that.  

Kind of a meh episode.