Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Hell's Kitchen, Season 11, Episode 10 Recap

Season 11, Episode 10 Recap

"Look what popped out of my nose, ya donkeys!"

Oh boy, another TBC.  If Gordon Ramsay hadn't gone and given all those other horrible TBC's earlier this season, this actually would have been an excellent opportunity to hold off until next week before eliminating Amanda.  But hey, Gordon Ramsay's an expert producer along with being a chef, hotel investigator, architect, pilot, Secret Service Agent, submarine captain, astronaut, and intergalactic time traveler, so I'm sure he knows what he's doing.

La Quinceanera: Oh, a birthday party in Hell's Kitchen.  Yeah, this will go over well.

Anthony, spicy questions: "Really?  A young Latina who doesn't like spicy food?  Where did she grow up?"

Barret, moron: "I figure Spanish people, hot sauce.  It could work, right?"  I figure Barret, piano falling on head.  It could work, right?

Anthony, truthful guy: "Briana, you're 15.  What do you know about the taste of chicken?" 

Mikey-Wikey, defeated: "I don't know, I guess I just can't cook steak.  I give up already."  THANK YOU, JESUS!

Amanda, always has an explanation: "I'm gonna be in the front of every coaster with my hands in the air!"  Maybe this is one of the reasons I can't stand Amanda; because she always has to go into unnecessary detail about every aspect of her life.  She's like her own play-by-play commentator. 

Mary the Butcher: "Roller coasters everywhere.  I wanna go on the biggest, the bestest, the fastest."  I wonder if there's one that blasts the pitch of your voice for the duration of the ride - that one would be the ultimate terrifying experience. 

Blue team punishment:  Dude, you're making a bunch of guys assemble dolls?  And decorate with pink stuff?  And unwrap candy by hand?  Messed up.

Mary the Butcher: "It's so hard being so good at winning."  It's so hard listening to your voice without wanting to pierce my ear drums with a bayonet.

La Quinceanera: She's deciding to have her 15th birthday celebration at a television set.  Other than Ramsay, she's the most presumptuous bitch in the room.

Man love denied:
Jon: Anthony, I love you, man.
Anthony: Haha, yeah.

La Quinceanera's annoying mom: I like how she complains to Gordon about not getting food.  Hey, lady, have you never seen an episode of Hell's Kitchen?  There's about an 81% chance you weren't gonna get any food anyway when you decided to have your daughter's birthday here AT ABSOLUTELY NO COST TO YOU!  I love the pretentiousness of bitches like her.  Durrr I'm going to Hell's Kitchen and I actually expect a quality meal durrr.

Nedra vs. Amanda Round II: It's like watching two siblings get into a slap fight while on a five hour flight from LA to Hawaii.  "She pushed me, chef!  Waaaaah!"  Shut up, Amanda.  Get control of your station.


Gordon, troll: "HEY YOU!  C'MERE YOU.  I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR ANY MORE DRY CHICKEN!  However...this one's perfect."  Hur hur hur.

Gordon, idiot: "There's the potatoes okay.  Three f@*#$&# times.  'Oh chef, we're gonna work hard tonight!' F@*! you, Zach.  next time, you're f@*#!(# history."  Sure, Gordon.  Get rid of one of your strongest chefs because he didn't give you enough potatoes but keep douchebag Barret around who slips magnets and corkscrews into his undercooked risottos.  Yeah, only the best quality with Gordon Ramsay.

Barret strikes again: So, we've got parchment paper, we've got raw chicken, and now we have a charred stick that he's tried to serve.  Amanda is tanking pretty bad, but please, Gordon, how many more tools from Barret's shed does he need to serve on a plate before you give him the boot?

Barret, slappy boy: "I'm gonna slap myself in the face for the next two years because of this pasta."  That sounds fun, Barret.  May we join you in this quest of yours?

Mary the Butcher: "Can this night get any worse?"  Maybe start singing in that charred octave you call a voice and then yes, the night will get worse.


Barret, delusional: "I cannot believe it.  All of those points I got for my blue team when we were in those challenges don't mean a f@*#!@& thing right now."  Hey, Barret?  You know how you just said you got all those points for your team?  Um...YOU DIDN'T WIN ANY POINTS FOR YOUR TEAM YOU STUPID DOUCHEBAG!!!

Gordon: Do you give a shit?
Cyndi: I give a huge shit, chef.
Best exchange ever.

Gordon, idiot Part II: "You're not cut out for this level, are you?" as he addresses Zach during elimination.  Yeah, because he's been carrying the team and gave you a small portion of potatoes, he's totally not cut out for this level.  And you're not cut out for executive producing.

As I said in the beginning, if Gordon hadn't given us a bulk shipment of TBC's already, this would have been a perfect one.  But nope.  This is just like going into a public restroom and discovering an unflushed toilet full of crap and crapping on it again without flushing.  Amanda went home, but ooooh noooo, "I'm not finished."  So.  What's he gonna do?  He'll either send Barret on his way for getting his ingredients from ACE Hardware or he'll now start switching up the teams.    WOW WHAT A GREAT CLIFFHANGER, GORDON, YA DONKEY!

Meh.  Just fair episode.