Thursday, May 23, 2013

Hell's Kitchen, Season 11, Episode 13 Recap

Season 11, Episode 13 Recap

"Happy birthday to me!"

So the big cliffhanger from last week was that Gordon sends the Red Team into the kitchen to come to an absolute consensus on who goes over to the Blue Team.  Wow, what suspense.  I'm seriously wondering if the editors actually think they're creating real tension with all of these TBC's or if they're just a bunch of stupidasses.  Or both.  He also 

Nidra to Team Blue: Ok, Blue Team stinks.  They've stunk all season.  In the past Gordon has always dictated who will switch teams.  Why he gives the ladies the option on who gets to switch is beyond me.  So Nidra, who has had her moments but is obviously one of the weakest chefs left, switches sides.  And this, somehow, is supposed to help the Blue Team?  Is this a joke?

Gordon, still thinks HK is a legit show: "I didn't ask you to stick it in some pan like a f*@*ing game show!"  Oh, right.  Cause HK is totally still quality reality TV.  Sure, Gordon, whatever you say. 

Zachy-Wacky, I'm starting to see why this guy is tanking: "Japanese food is like Chinese food and the only reason I know that is because my one Korean friend told me this." 

Mary, Butcher of simple foods: "Oh my gosh, they like it!  Maybe rice is overrated?!"  

Wtf is up with the Blue Team?: The thing about the Blue Team is that individually they're all actually pretty talented.  The problem is they're also consistently inconsistent and when someone has an off night they REALLY have an off night.  The Red Team, on the other hand, has been consistently solid and even if someone has an off night, the others step up to the plate.  It's too bad this team is tanking so badly. 

Mr. Chow, wtf?: "Ladies you will relax afterward and enjoy lunch at the exclusive restaurant where you have your own floor at Mr. Chow."  Okay, I searched for a commercial but couldn't find it.  I'm from the Bay Area and when I hear "Mr. Chow" I think of Mr. Chau's Chinese Fast Food which had this really cheesy jingle in its commercials "Chow down at Mr. Chau's...CHINESE FAST FOOD!"  When I heard they were gonna eat at Mr. Chow as a reward I instantly thought it was a punishment. 

Zachy-Wacky, Peanuts fan: "Nidra is like Charlie Brown's teacher; 'wah wah wah wah wah wah wah.'"

Cyndi, Captain Obvious: Throughout this season Cyndi hasn't said one thing of any value whatsoever.  All her vocabulary consists of is making overly obvious statements and using cliche statements to try and rev up her team.  How many times can you possibly say "we got this, ladies!" without it losing some of its merit.  


So today the girls are at Mr. Chow enjoying their reward and Cyndi blurts out "we have some momentum going right now on the Red Team."  Wow, really?  You've won like 18 of 20 challenges and you announce that you have some momentum going right now?  Imagine if Cyndi and Mary were blended into one person; you'd have a girl who sounds like she has a mouse trap stuck in her throat constantly making lame, no-new-information-provided statements over and over again.  

Gordon, secret fantasy: "Stop f*@&ing yourself and literally get your head out of your ass!"

Gordon, raw fish time: "Yeah, c'mere, it's sushi time."

Both teams ejected: I dunno.  Seemed like they just needed some drama for this episode.

Gordon: I'm done. YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, F@*! OFF OUTTA HERE!
Cyndi: F@!* me!
Gordon: HEY!  EXCUSE ME!  F@*! ME?  HOW ABOUT F@*! YOU!

Ja'nelle, kind of a bitch:  I realize she's the best chef in HK this season and is probably gonna win but the way she tried to place herself on a pedestal after her worst performance was really, really weak.  "Who would you rather have on your team?  Me or her?"  I mean, come on.  And Susan's been pretty damn solid this season in case you haven't realized,  dude. 

"Hey guys, check out this stuff that came outta my nose!"

Nidra, temper tantrum: Her verbal assault of the Blue Team was met largely on muted ears.  Usually when someone is traded and they don't perform to expectations then it's basically like screaming in space.

Nidra: You two can f@*! off about it, I'm not goin' up.  F@*! that.  You can kiss my ass if you think I'm going up.
Zachy-Wacky, ultimate troll:'re going up.

Nidra goes home.  The thing is I think the producers of HK wanted someone like Elise, who had the skills, the ego, and the bitchiness to make the show entertaining.  Nidra has some skills, she has some ego, but the thing is I don't really see her as that much of a bitch.  I mean, yeah, she is kind of a bitch and loud and obnoxious, but she didn't play a dirty game like Elise did.  She tried her best to be a team player and I think she's got a lot of potential.  

By the way, Does Someone Have to Go? looks like one of the worst shows ever in the history of the universe.