Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Hell's Kitchen, Season 11, Episode 4 Recap

Season 11, Episode 4 Recap


Episode 3, crappy cliffhanger: Last week I said "Okay, here's how it's gonna go: Ramsay is gonna have a little pep talk with Jeremy and tell him to work hard and then Jeremy goes back to the dorm.  Bite me, editors."  To start off episode 4, Ramsay has a little pep talk with Jeremy and tells him to work hard and then Jeremy went back to the dorm.  Bite me, editors. 

The HK3K Marathon: Just an excuse for Ramsay to show off his arms, just like Hotel Hell is an excuse for Ramsay to get naked in every episode.  I am not joking.

Ramsay, joker: "How on earth is lunch gonna be ready if you're out running with us?  Seriously!"  HAHAHAHA THAT'S SO FUNNY, GORDON! YOU MAKE FUNNY JOKE!!!!111

Dan, all legs: "I'm all legs.  I'm pretty sure I can run this backwards."  Cool story, bro.  Why don't you try that.

Susan, smoothie queen: "I'm the smoothie queen so I can pretty much guarantee they're gonna be good to go."  Why does smoothie queen sound so dirty?  Maybe it's because immediately afterward she was directing Mary to clean the rim.

California Lush Wine Country Reward: Maybe it's because I live in California so I'm spoiled with most of these rewards, but when they do things like go to Napa or go to Santa Monica it's just, like, meh.  Been there, done that.  It's even worse with American Idol auditions and all the "GOING TO HOLLYWOOD!" proclamations.  I go there all the time and get stuck in traffic.  Enjoy.


Mikey Wikey, slow learner: On what can help the Blue Team, "You know what might help us during service?  The tickets.  Can it just be slowed down just so everybody can hear it and repeat it?"  I can't believe Ramsay agreed to that.  I figured he would eat him or something.

Mary the Butcher, feet in our food: "Oh my gosh!  I've always wanted to squish grapes with my feet!"  I hope those grapes are in a barrel labeled toxic waste. 

Grape squisher

Mary the Butcher likes it squishy and sticky: "It's squishy, it's sticky, it's the perfect reward, the perfect experience."  Good to know, Mary.  You've pleased people with foot fetishes everywhere.

Jon, clever guy: "Dan, he's just lost in the sauce."  

Mikey Wikey vs. Danny Boy Round I: Introducing the fight between the two biggest pussies in Hell's Kitchen history.

Jeremy, dining room: Notice that Jeremy was relegated to the dining room after his pep talk with Ramsay.  I think that means he'll be around for a while longer.

Ryan Hollins, who the hell?: 99% of America has no idea who this guy is and he probably received more screen time tonight than time on the court all season.

Ramsay, troll: Wow, he actually called the orders slower.  

Barret, nervous wreck: "I'm a little nervous about Ray, I'm not gonna f$@&!(@ lie.  51 years old, memory's not really there.  Conducted the 1850 census.  Was George Washington's dog walker."  Seriously, Gordon Ramsay is almost 50.  I'd watch the age jabs.

Mikey Wikey vs. Danny Boy Round II: It's like a fight between the tampon and the teabag.  I can't begin to explain how horribly lame these two guys are. 

Red Team, ass kissers: "They think they're king cause they kissed Celine Dion's ass in Vegas."  Huh.  Must have missed the ass kissing part.  Damn editors. 

Danielle, broken record: "I've been telling you all from the beginning over and over and over again that I've never cooked anything and I suck at doing this and I should go home!"

Ramsay: "So Nidra.  Jessica's not a good teammate.  Explain that to me."
Nidra: "........................................................"
*translation: I'm a stupid moron"


So Danielle goes home.  She should have gone home last week, especially after Ramsay declared that chefs need to fight back.  When has this girl ever fought back?  

Bus Count: Ramsay informed Danny Boy that his incompetence is getting Mikey Wikey run over, and meanwhile Danielle is getting tired of being run over because she didn't think to practice working on a brigade prior to arriving at Hell's Kitchen.  Season total: 6.