HELL'S KITCHEN
Season 11
Episode 3 Recap
Gordon demonstrating how he does his "GET OUT" face
Gina vs. Nidra: Quite possibly the most hilarious confrontation in Hell's Kitchen history. Gina went all Jude Law on everyone, getting all dramatic and offended and really over-pronunciating her words to make a point; "I did NAUGHTA throw you under the BUS-A!" Then the impression, holy crap!
EH HEEEEH EH HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!!!
I seriously lost it right there.
Gina, alphabet stalker: "You better watch your P's and Q's cause you don't know me!" That's the first time anyone has ever used letters as a threat when brewing up for a fight in the history of the universe.
Gina goes home: While I thought the promo hinting that someone goes home was bogus, I did call that Gina would be one of the first to go. But you know what? I'm kinda disappointed to be honest. She's actually really frickin' entertaining and I would have liked to see the rivalry with Nidra unfold. But I guess in a way this is better than the editors milking a rivalry for all it's worth like Kimmie and Robyn last season.
Nidra, limited vocabulary: "Bitch, bitch, bitch, you better bitch your way outta here bitch you bitch pour me a bitch of bitch, bitch." Why is it that Hell's Kitchen's fattest contestants are always limited to saying bitch every other word?
Gordon's got a cold: For the first time in Hell's Kitchen history, all of the tables will get violently ill. Thanks for those world class standards, Gordon.
Ramsay, instant gratification: "I think it's about time you all start showing some form of teamwork." I agree, Gordon. Just hours after these 20 random people were brought together to do the hardest dinner service of their lives, it IS about time they start showing some form of teamwork.
Ray, way premature ejaculation: "We finally beat the girls!" Dude...you've been competing for a day. Is there a week-long time lapse that I missed or something?
Anthony, ankle roller: I like how his foot nearly severs off his leg and his teammate, like a perfectly timed bad joke, says "careful!" Dude could have landed in a vat of burning gasoline; careful!
Ray, lobster cleaner: "I'm from Boston. Lobsters are everything. I've been doing this my whole life. This is a no brainer!" Just like using your fingers to test food, right, Ray?
Dan, needs a laxative: "We're halfway there, they're already done with number 2."
Dan, clogged on number 2
Fishhead Soup: Ah, the mandatory disgusting punishment dish. The sad thing is I would actually try this if challenged.
Jeremy, fishhead vomit: "The worst part is if I threw up it would look just like this." The worst part is if you didn't throw up you'd still look just like that.
Jalen Rose, massive NBA player: I don't know why, but I lol'd when I saw this guy walk in. I lol'd even harder when Jean Philippe referred to him as "massive".
Danielle, drinking problem: Unfortunately, I think drinking is the least of her problems.
"I've never been on a brigade before. I've never cleaned a lobster before. I've never cooked risotto before."
Jeremy, denied: "Come on, buddy, I'm asking you if you want my help and you deny me." Quick, someone bust out the "Now That's What I Call 80s Love Songs" CD. Holy crap, dude.
"Come on, buddy, I just wanted to hold your hand and you deny me."
Susan, shit cooker: "I'm courageous. I say bring it on! I know I can cook the shit out of this lamb!" Well, it's nice that you can cook feces out of an animal, but seriously, I have no idea what to think of this girl. She's hot, but, like, there's there's something about her that isn't. She's a bitch, but then she's, like, not really. She seems like a leader but, like, she's not. I really have no idea what to make of her.
Shit Cooker!
Christian goes home: Bahstan Christian went home, which I don't agree with at all. Look, Danielle sucks, okay? This is no great mystery. She's terrible, she has no confidence, and as she's pointed out numerous times, she's never worked on a brigade before. And then Ramsay says that Hell's Kitchen is all about fighting back? What fight has he seen out of Danielle up until now? I mean, really?
Terrible cliffhanger: Okay, here's how it's gonna go: Ramsay is gonna have a little pep talk with Jeremy and tell him to work hard and then Jeremy goes back to the dorm. Bite me, editors.
Bus Counter: Nidra was thrown under the bus twice today; first when Gina wanted someone else on risotto and again when Danielle wasn't "making looooove" to the lamb, bringing the season's total to 4.
Olympus Has Fallen, crappy TV spot: "The first summer blockbuster is here!" Hey, donkeys, IT'S STILL WINTER YOU STUPID ASSHOLES!!! IF IT WAS REALLY A SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER IT WOULD BE RELEASED DURING THE SUMMER!!! RELEASING A SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER DURING THE WINTER MEANS IT SUCKS!!!
Mikey-Wikey vs. Danny Boy: You know what? I thought Gina vs. Nidra was hilarious but...I think this tops it.
Fun episode overall, though the TBC can still bite me.
