Thursday, March 29, 2012

Boston Fruit Slices

Quick update: I'll be back with the gourmet soon. Still doing my own thing at the moment that needs my concentration. But...

I wanted to make a quick posting about a very unique kind of candy: fruit slices. You've probably seen them - they typically look like orange slices and come in a variety of flavors, normally cherry, lime, lemon, and orange. They're a hard gummy candy topped with sugar and generally cost a good amount for a fixed number of slices. I guess it's like 5 bucks for 12. Probably more since the price of candy is going through the roof. This is what they look like:

Source: Walter Drake

These are a popular item for Passover but it's always a crapshoot as to where to find them. Sometimes a certain market will have them, sometimes not. Sometimes it depends on if they carry things specifically for the holiday. I've received a couple leads as to where to find these and if you have some ideas I'd be happy to hear them. 

I know CVS regularly carries them in the candy section so, naturally, I decided to give them a try today. I've avoided them up until now because of their ridiculous price; the CVS in Pacific Beach has them for like $4.50 The one on Balboa has them a little cheaper for $3.50 and I was lucky today cause they were also on sale...for $3.50, saving me exactly zilch. Sometimes I wonder if these people are just messing with me. 

Anyway, discovered they're actually called Boston Fruit Slices. And these slices SUCK!

Adjusted the brightness/contrast since the lighting here is poor just so you can see the pure filth that are these Boston Fruit Slices

First of all, the good quality slices are dry. They're a gel coated with tons of sugar. These? It's like using shampoo that attempted to congeal with goat intestines. They're wet, they're cold, and you can't take a single one without getting the sticky crap all over your fingers. Terrible. 

I'd rather listen to James Blunt than eat this crap

If you look at that green slice on the upper left it has this kidney stone of pure sugar growing off it. Or mold since these things smell like they're probably cooked from the valves of rotting moose flesh. If you haven't guessed already, these things taste terrible. How is it even possible that a candy made mostly from pure sugar can taste so awful? Sugar is our friend. It's one of the essential ingredients of Greg's Gourmet. I'm speechless. I have no speech. But check this out:

This picture has not been doctored in any way

That blur on the container isn't because of the lighting or my phone's camera. That is actually there due to the slimey sludge that these fruit slices have left behind. It's like a pool of decomposing slug carcasses. 

Okay, so these are put out by CVS' own brand. I don't even know what it's called. On the package there's something called CVS Gold Emblem but I don't think that's it. Just says it's distributed by CVS Pharmacy. I've bought a couple of their own brand of candy before and it's been hit and miss. The peach rings are pretty good. The gummy worms are meh. Eating their Swedish fish was almost like eating mummified trout from one of the oceans surrounding the former Pangaea. I'm seriously stunned that anyone can put out such a poor quality candy. Like whoa. So if you ever see these:

Absolutely disgusting. Speaking of disgusting...

This isn't what's disgusting.  This next one is...

Best by July of last year? Was this sitting in the back all this time or does no one cook duck anymore?

I'll end this on a good note:

This never EVER gets old

Thanks for reading!