Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Hell's Kitchen Recap Episode 19

Episode 19

Ladies and gentlemen: your Hell's Kitchen season 10 runner-up

Worst finalists ever:  Let's get this out of the way first: we now have the worst showdown in Hell's Kitchen history which is quite fitting since we're entrenched in what has become the absolute worst season in Hell's Kitchen history.  Here's the thing - Christina will win and she deserves it.  What's so disgusting here is that this stupid dumbass Justin makes the finals and will go down as the worst runner-up in HK history.  Think about it, the nine runner-ups in chronological order: Ralph, Virginia, Bonnie, Petrozza, Paula, Kevin, Jay, Russell, and Will.  The only runner-ups that can possibly compete for "worst of" title are Virginia because she just flat-out overachieved and had no right to compete for the championship.  But the plus side is that she had a personality and made the show entertaining with her antics.  Plus she was hot.  Jay was just a creep, but even he had more personality than dumbass Justin.  I mean, the dude had blue hair. 

So now we have to sit through not one episode, but TWO episodes of this electric and thrilling showdown between rightful champion Christina and dumbass Justin.  Keep in mind everyone - Justin was barely even featured in the early episodes this season cause he was so boring.  While taking note of how many generic white guys there were this season, I also took note of how infrequently Justin was ever featured in the interview booths.  Why?  CAUSE HE SUCKS!!!  AND THIS JERK IS IN THE FINALS!!!

Update: Ok, I've calmed down a little bit and wanted to explain something.  I have nothing against Justin as a person.  He seems like a very nice guy and he's someone I would work hard for if he were my boss and likewise I think he'd work hard for me if I were his boss.  But I look at things from an entertainment perspective and this season has just been a total train wreck and he's not exactly the most amusing contestant HK has ever seen.  His drama level is low, he doesn't have a lot of jokes, and there's just not a lot there for editors to work with (not that HK's editors are any good anyway).  So just know that when I rip on Justin I'm actually ripping on Gordon Ramsay and the producers of HK.  Justin shouldn't apologize for getting to the finale - he's obviously a talented chef.  But for a reality television program he's just not the most entertaining person they could have had.  Just wanted to clarify.

But most of all, I've seen every episode of every season of HK.  It's one of the only shows I go out of my way to watch.  But this season it feels like they've just mailed it all in (i.e. Gordon Ramsay delivering a critical message on a frickin' I-Pad).  That's what bugs me the most. 

Worst season ever:  The thing is - this season should have ended four episodes ago, but the bombardment of TBC's has fleshed this thing out into a monologue even more boring than a random Shakespeare character.  What's going to happen over these two episodes?  Okay, they go to Vegas.  They meet a celebrity chef.  They have a cooking challenge to determine who gets first pick for teams.  They pick teams.  They cook.  And then the winner is announced.  Why the hell does this need to be two episodes?  Oh yeah, that's right, because this season sucks and they needed to churn out more episodes than necessary in order to bring in more money.  Of course, let's sacrifice quality for quantity.  Let's outsource the show to China while we're it. 

Penn & Teller: Gordon, don't surprise Justin like that.  He'll pee his pants and that'll be the most entertaining thing he's done all season. 

5 Dish Challenge: I wouldn't be surprised if dumbass Justin actually wins this challenge just cause.  Naturally one chef goes up 2-0, then the other ties it at 2-2, so then the final judge is the deciding factor in who wins.  Rather convenient how that happens every single challenge, isn't it?  Okay, I was wrong - Christina won.  Good.  I'm glad. 

Justin, snubbing Gordon Ramsay: "If you ask anybody in the world who Wolfgang Puck is, they know!"  Maybe shouldn't say that in front of Gordon. 

Justin, determination: "Christina should watch out.  I'm gonna win Hell's Kitchen.  I've never been so determined in my life."  If creating the illusion that you're sleepwalking when you're really awake is determination then wow, you're really determined, bro. 

Team Christina: Dana, Patrick, Kimmie, Robyn
Team Justin: Barbie, Brian, Royce, Clemenza

"All I have to do is beat Justin and I win Hell's Kitchen?  This is a joke, right?"

Brian, good sport: "That's a surprise but I have no hard feelings, I'm just happy to be here."  Honestly, I kinda wish Brian was in the finals instead of Justin.  At least he's got a good attitude about coming back. 

Clemenza, delusional: "Right away Christina goes with Dana, Justin goes with Patrick.  Alright.  I'm the best chef left."  I swear, this guy is so delusional he should be doing stand-up. 

Clemenza, delusional 2: "Dude, come on!  I'm the best chef left!"  Dude, you kinda suck!

Returning contestants: This is always one of the coolest parts of the show when the finalists get to pick their teams.  Christina has the major advantage of picking first as well as picking last for Justin, but coming down to Robyn and Clemenza is quite the quandary.  On paper I think Christina has the edge because her team members have better leadership qualities.  Patrick tried hard but was in over his head.  Kimmie held her own for the most part on meats but I think she'll respond well to Christina.  Robyn I think will try hard since Justin kinda screwed her over (remember the "holding oven" incident?).  And Dana is solid.

Barbie is a good first pick for Justin because she only got better as the season has gone on, cooks meat well, and will fight hard for Justin.  Brian and Royce are the same.  Royce I think should have gone further so I'd be interested to see how he performs.  Clemenza will try his best but will prove to be a liability like he did the 7 other times he was on the chopping block. 

Justin, leader: "Clemenza, shut the f@*# up please."  Wow, that's his best example of leadership yet.  He's earned back a tad of my respect. 

Clemenza, sour grapes: The whole "I don't care" attitude is pretty exemplary of why this guy stinks, let alone the fact that he stunk up the kitchen all season.  Christina picking Robyn over him may have been the best move of the entire draft.

Robyn, wtf: Um...what?

No comment

To be continued:  I knew this one was coming beforehand so I'm not shocked.  But seriously, Fox - suck it.