MasterChef Recap Episode 18

MASTERCHEF

Episode 18

If you haven't seen this episode and are guessing which one of these two guys goes home, you'd be wrong

WHAT.  THE.  HELL?????  JOSH REALLY DEFEATED FRANK IN THE ELIMINATION TEST??? HOW THE HELL IS THIS HUMANLY POSSIBLE? Frank has been solid all season long!  Josh?  He just kinda sucks.  I mean, he's had his moments but he's been far worse than Frank has.  JOSH GOT SENT HOME ONCE ALREADY!  THAT'S HOW MUCH OF A BETTER CHEF FRANK IS!

Christine, confused goals: "I think being in the top 4 means a lot to me."  You think??? What are you even doing here???

Christine/Becky: Joe suggested it best that Christine's pallet paired with Becky's plating skills make this a terrific team.

Frank/Josh: Josh is still fuming over Frank saving himself rather than a teammate and I think that may get in the way of their cooking.  If this was every man for himself, Josh would easily be the next to go, but if the guys beat the girls then it's gonna throw a wrench in whoever goes to the finals.

Pompous Meter: I realize these chefs are universally famous and have cooked for the likes of Genghis Kahn and the first administration of Grover Cleveland's presidency, but what's this nonsense of walking in during the middle of the meal preparation?  Like, what's the point of Gordon mentioning that their plane is just touching down in LA as they're about to start cooking?  Yes, that's probably not what happened, but having these guys walk in while these chefs are in the middle of cooking just reeked of pompousness.  Where's the punctuality?  Introduce them after the meals are done or something.  Introducing them as the first, second, and third emperors of the Han Dynasty just didn't work at all for me.

Famous judges, no personality: This is boring.  All I'm hearing out of these three judges are "mumble mumble mumble tastes good/bad mumble mumble mumble."

Girls vs. Boys: Not a shocker at all that the girls won.  If anything, Christine pairing herself with Becky pretty much ensured them a slot in the top three.  If the boys won it would just be awkward to have Christine and Becky competing in an elimination test when the obvious weakest chef is Josh.  I'm not necessarily saying this was fixed, but I'm just sayin' (note: yes, I wrote this prior to the actual elimination revelation).

Soufflé: I've never been a big fan of soufflés.  Call me remarkably brilliant, but I prefer a nice piece of cake.  But three perfect different flavored soufflés in an hour is ridiculous even for someone of my non-existent soufflé experience.

Ramsay, brutally honest: "Honestly, guys, it's almost impossible."

Frank, smartass: "Why can't you guys all eat the same one?"  In reality he's saying what we're all thinking.

Joe: "I think in the history of MasterChef we've given them a challenge that's not doable."  Well, that wasn't very nice of you now was it, Joe?

Graham: "It's all out of their hands now. It's in the oven!"

Ramsay, Captain Obvious: "90 seconds to go, COME ON!"  It always bugs me when Ramsay repeats "COME ON" over and over and over again, especially when just two seconds ago Graham said "it's all out of their hands now. It's in the oven!"  What is he saying come on to?  The oven?  Hoping an inanimate object will plate the desserts faster?

Worst Elimination Ever: I don't know how or why this happened, but somehow Frank went home.  I'm seriously shocked.  It's not that I dislike Josh - quite the opposite.  If he was in Hell's Kitchen I'd be rooting for him to win.  But Frank is far and away the superior chef.  I just don't get this.  Also - David Martinez was offered a job in one of Graham's restaurants.  DAVID F-ING MARTINEZ!  David "I'm not a joke" Martinez who squandered every advantage he was given in MasterChef got himself a job working in one of Graham Elliot's restaurants.  Meanwhile what does Frank get?  A premature exit and his manhood crushed into a million pieces.  This seriously makes no sense at all.  I'm disappointed that an otherwise terrific season has seemingly fallen apart in the span of a few minutes.

Maybe Josh's chocolate soufflé was slightly better than Frank's.  But to say that Josh is more worthy to continue competing for the title of MasterChef over Frank is just ludicrous.  Consider past returns - Frank has been on top of this competition the entire time.  He hasn't struggled, he hasn't fallen, he hasn't delivered any crappy dishes as far as I can recall.  But Josh?  The dude was already eliminated once.  He's been in the bottom of the group for his performances more than once.  How the FARK does he make it to the top 3 over Frank?  Makes no sense.

Okay, so, the wrench has obviously been thrown.  Josh will not win MasterChef, that's obvious.  Tonight was the "shocking elimination" that they promise every week only this time they finally delivered.  It'll be either Becky or Christine and I hope it's them two competing in the finals because Josh hasn't done nearly enough to earn that spot.

Terrible.

Hell's Kitchen Episode 18 Recap

HELL'S BITCHIN'

Episode 18

Enjoy the beginning of the end for Hell's Kitchen run as a quality television program because those days are long gone.  I just wanna look away, too.

Hey,  Hell's Kitchen?  You suck.  What an absolute disaster this show has turned into.  In case you needed any more of a memo, the Titanic has hit the ice berg and is halfway submerged into the Atlantic. 

Clemenza: Just watching the intro I'm wondering how the hell Clemenza made it to the Final Five.  I think he may very well be the worst fifth place finisher in Hell's Kitchen history. 

The "you'll never believe who Chef Ramsay lets into Hell's Kitchen" people: We've only been doing this for 10 seasons now, guys.  The families have only made it into Hell's Kitchen every single season at around this time.  The only reason they pumped this up in the promo is probably because this episode is going to stink, i.e. Justin is going to the finals.  Let's find out (spoiler: this episode has a far worse ending than Justin going to the finals). 

Dana, Ole Yeller: If I had one question to ask Dana I'd ask why she yells all the time.  It's like Dana was cryogenically frozen for 30 years and is having difficulty controlling the VOLUME OF HER VOICE. 

Dana: "DAAAAAMN, FIFTEEN DOLLARS IS NOT A LOT!!! COME ON, CHEF RAMSAY, YOU MAKE MORE THAN THAT! FORK IT OVER!"  DAAAAAAMN YOU YELL A LOT!

Ingredients Challenge: 15 dollars to create a dish to turn a profit.  Dana won with an average of 34 dollars the judges were willing to pay.  That's all I have to say about that.

Punishment: Organizing trash?  Really?  Are they going to be forced to watch 2 Girls 1 Cup next?

Justin, vomit recycling: "That's what I'm thinking right now, I'm going to recycle my throw up."  Oh, so it turns out you are capable of thinking, huh, Justin?  Now it all makes sense.

Justin, smelly guy: "Why do I keep smelling like garbage?!" Because you are garbage, you silly cow.

Fox, crappy editors: I always love how the winner of an award comes back and everyone "ignores" him or her.  This happens multiple times every season and it's so overly transparent here that they're just pasting together various sound clips of Dana yelling to try and create some drama.  You really expect me to believe that Dana asks a question and everyone in the kitchen just stands there and looks at her?  No, sorry.

The Hot Plate Test: So here's the part where each chef is given the chance to run the brigade.  They have to notice purposely sabotaged dishes for quality control and have to show they can lead a line.  Justin did good, Dana kinda sucked, Barbie was okay after she realized that she needed to call out orders to her team rather than the customers, and Christina did okay other than the fact that she was getting too emotional.

Justin, ego: "The biggest thing I've learned in this competition is to leave my ego and know I can lead a team."  Justin has an ego?  You mean he thinks he has a manhood somewhere in that flattened pizza he calls a face?

Fox Sucks: To be continued.  Unbelievable.  What is this, the fifth one?  I'm currently writing an article about how Gordon Ramsay is spreading himself too thin.  I've been delaying its release because this season just keeps getting worse and worse which just keeps giving me more and more content to bitch about.  I'm just shocked and appalled that this is what Hell's Kitchen has turned into.  Gordon Ramsay seriously needs a reality check.

Final Four: Barbie has improved vastly from the beginning but it's not enough to advance.  Dana chose a really bad time to mail in a crappy performance, so it'll probably be Christina and Justin.

Hell's Kitchen, suck it: For the first time in Hell's Kitchen history we won't know who's going to the finals until the actual final episode.  I don't even know what to say anymore.  Absolutely pathetic.  For a guy who goes around telling professionals how to improve themselves, Gordon Ramsay I think needs to cut down on the dosage of whatever hallucinogenic he's been taking this season. 

Riva Fish House

The Riva Fish House is a gnarly restaurant on a pier down the beach from the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk in, surprise-surprise, Santa Cruz, CA.

No, I did not order fish, though I wanted to after stumbling across their menu online and seeing that they had shark.  Much to my disappointment, the menu I had found was out-of-date and they no longer had shark because they're an endangered species or whatever that foreign concept is.

Naturally I ordered the chicken:

Ordering chicken at a fish place is like going to a hockey rink for a baseball game

This was a Teriyaki sandwich and it was good.  Messy, but good.  Nothing outstanding or overly memorable but it was ample fuel for the day.  

One of the things that bugged me about this place is that it's situated in such a position that around 5 o'clock the sun beams into the restaurant at a perfect 45 degree angle and blinds anyone in the line of fire.  And since I was seated toward the sun I was doing my best Bruce Springsteen impersonation and was blinded by the light like a douche in the night.

This is a piece of chocolate cake from a place that looked like Starbucks but probably wasn't

Oh, and here's something that was consumed from V's Diner in King City, CA, which is a spit of a town on the 101 en route to Pismo Beach. 

It's like I'm eating school food again, yay!

V's is a quiet, clean diner in the middle of nowhere.  The food was microwaved hot enough but seriously, this is the kinda stuff I got while at State that would beat my digestive system into a lumpy pulp every other week. I dunno, call me old fashioned, but for a diner in a tiny town halfway between Los Angeles and San Francisco, I'd expect the food to be a little more...cooked?  Fresh?  Involved?  But whatever.  It brought back some pleasant memories of forcing down greasy fried crap from the UT Grill. 

MasterChef Recap Episode 17

MASTERCHEF

Episode 17

There's always a place for Monti Carlo here at Greg's Gourmet

Top 5!  But no David Martinez. Who's Joe gonna be a douche to without David around??? 

Mystery Box: Good twist here.  Initially it was pick up to 15 ingredients for a dish that represents you (meaning them).  But then that box went to someone else and each contestant had to cook with someone else's ingredients.  Pretty cool.  Josh, Monti, and Christine finished in the top 3. 

Bitchin' Becky: "We're given this gift of getting to go into the pantry, we can choose up to 15 items to create, essentially our perfect signature dish. Like, ourselves on a plate!"  In your case the dish would probably be roasted boar's head, right, Becky?

Monti: "I'm in the top 3 of the Mystery Box! First time! BAM!" Monti, I'm happy for you and I'm rooting for you and you're really, really hot but...ah, screw it.  She's hot so it's okay.

Elimination Test: The assignment is to recreate one of Graham's signature dishes, each one of which has been cooked for someone famous (Oprah, Jay-Z, President Obama). 

Why fine dining sometimes bugs me: The term "fine dining" should not translate to "eat as if you're anorexic." Seriously, look at this crap:

Ok, so, the guy who normally uploads Ramsay shows hasn't done tonight's MasterChef, so these were taken from someone who, like, bootlegged it and uploaded. Why they did that, I don't know.  But whatever.  Look, I'm sure these all taste delicious but if I'm going to drop over 50 bucks on a fine dining meal I'd want a little more than a couple corn niblets and a pitcher of banana yogurt. 

Elimination Test II: So Josh picked the most colorful of the dishes (picture 3, white tuna) to recreate and probably also the one that would be most filling for a late morning snack.  I'm not sure if it's the most complex of the three, but he was given a basket of all the ingredients he'd need.  Graham invited the chefs to try and make it better and naturally Josh took the bait.

Christine, total baller: There's no point in being surprised anymore.  This chick is a total baller in the kitchen and has one of the most powerful pallets ever seen in any of Ramsay's cooking shows.  Her ability to recreate these complex dishes without her eyes is remarkable.  I've wondered how far she'd go in this competition, but I think she's legit to take the whole thing. 

Bitchin' Becky: "It's annoying, like people expect more of me so then God forbid something's not perfect every single time I get raped for it."  The problem is that Becky's been a pro up until now and when you start showing signs of weakness down the stretch then you're gonna get called out for it.  LeBron James got canned for years for his inability to be clutch in the fourth quarter of games. Who cares if he was winning scoring titles - if he couldn't win it when it mattered then they're all for naught. I've poked a lot of fun at Becky this season but it's not like she's an idiot like Douchebag Tali or an airhead like Christian from last season.  But at this point of the season she should be in it to win it every time and if she falters then she better be ready to expect a lashing.

Josh, fourth quarter collapse: Yeah, not surprised at all that he cooked one of the worst dishes even with his advantage.  The first problem was that he tried to improve the dish (as accurately predicted by Frank).  The second problem I just don't see him as a MasterChef.  He has his moments but he's too inconsistent. 

Elimination: Monti's going home and wrongfully so.  It's weird - when David Martinez royally fudged up his advantage a few episodes back he also got to stay and Felix was sent home.  Now Josh fudges up his advantage and Monti goes.  I just think if you're given that big of a helping hand you should cook up some really good shit.  If you can't take advantage of that then sorry buddy.  Monti was strong all the way up until this episode so I think it's bogus that she's going home.  But that's okay - she's still really, really hot.  You're always a winner here at Greg's Gourmet, Monti!

Final Four: Josh should be the next to go.  After that it's a tossup between Becky, Christine, and Frank. I think either of them can take the crown and honestly I think all three deserve it.  Becky's a pro at what she does, Christine is amazing, and Frank is a terrific chef in addition to playing a good game (i.e. saving other people on his team early in the season and then saving himself last episode, both as team captain).  I'm still thinking Becky will take it. 

Good episode!

Hell's Kitchen Recap Episode 17

HELL'S KITCHEN

Episode 17

"BLOODY HELL, THESE MUPPETS CAN'T COOK!"

Clemenza: "I get put up again for elimination and that just lit a spark cause you're gonna see a new Clemenza tomorrow." Seems like he says this each and every episode, yeah? 

Clemenza, delusional chef: After tasting Ramsay's chicken Parmesan, "Really?  My chicken Parm would blog that outta the water." 

Hell's Kitchen Cooking School: This is usually an interesting challenge, but who cares about that when you have a couple babes in high heels mistaking thongs for tongs. 

Dana, malfunctioning vocal cords: "I LOVE TEACHING! THIS IS WHAT I DO! I TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO COOK!"

Justin: "Mind you, they were Miss Teen USA, I wasn't thinking anything crazy." Just stop at "I wasn't thinking", Justin. We're all used to that out of you by now.

Clemenza, premature celebration: "When it comes to certain Italian things, I think I have marinara sauce flowing through my veins."  Two seconds later, Ramsay reveals that the tomatoes must have taken a crap in the sauce, cause it apparently really stinks. 

Justin, mocker: Dude makes Dana, Christina, and Clemenza pasta after they'd been preparing it all day.  I'd suggest that Justin maybe stop and think about what he's doing but I know that may be a little challenging for him.

Clemenza, premature celebration II as he pounds chicken breasts into deflated basketballs: "Dinner service is probably the most important thing I've ever done in my life tonight.  The Italian Stallion Clemenza is coming through, baby. Stand back, step off, watch out." Who can guess what happens to Clemenza by the end of this episode? 

Dana: "WE'RE ON DINNER SERVICE 14!"  We should also be on episode 14 if it weren't for an assault of To Be Continued's delivered by the higher-ups at Fox.  Thanks, guys.  

Barbie and Clemenza: I have no idea what the hell these two were up to during dinner service.  They were yelling at each other, they were sending up crap, and just generally being unproductive.  "Looks like someone literally peed in the frying pan and added butter." Pretty much defines dinner service. 

Announcer: "With Dana slipping on the meat station, Chef Ramsay looks to Justin to take control of the kitchen." If by "take control" you mean "lose control" then this is a great move.

Clemenza, broken record during 7th elimination nomination: "Cause I have done some good and I have done a lot of good. Tonight was an embarrassment. Being the Italianite, believe me, I wanted to shine. I wanted to do more. I did not quit once during service no matter what you said no matter what was thrown at me I kept going and going and going!  Chef, I've been a team player, I've battled through everything, I always give you 100%. Every time I come down I am ready for battle!" 

Clemenza finally got eliminated.  Amazing that he was put up 7 times and managed to finish 5th.  Clemenza had his moments, but there's a lot of holes in his game, namely consistency.  He'd have a really good moment and then sink back to earth. What I always found amusing is that whenever he had a blatantly terrible service he'd always blame someone else then go into his passionate heartfelt speech to Ramsay and get another chance.  The guy has passion, that can't be denied, but the consistency needs improvement.  I pegged him as a dark horse early in the season but as the episodes went on it became more and more obvious that he wasn't going to go anywhere.  

Announcer: "You WON'T BELIEVE who Chef Ramsay allows into Hell's Kitchen!!!"  Yeah, it's their families. You do this every season. Might wanna rewrite your script.  Plus you used this in last week's promo. Fox sucks.

Final Four: Christina will be in the finals.  Barbie won't.  That leaves Dana and Justin in the 2 and 3 slots. I've been saying this all along - given how bad most of this season has been I wouldn't be surprised to see Justin in the finals, but I'm pulling for Dana. I mean, listening to Justin give orders is like listening to a clothes hanger. By the way - what's this nonsense of eliminating half of the final four in one episode?  They did the same thing last season and it pisses me off.  In the better days of Hell's Kitchen we'd get one elimination from the Final Four, then one elimination from the final three, then a two episode finale.  And shit, after Fox went through all that effort to flesh out the season with all those bullshit To Be Continued's, why are they suddenly in a rush to wrap up things?  Eat me, Fox. 

Clemenza is like the immunity idol from Survivor; as long as he's around you're pretty much safe from elimination

Not a bad episode but it was predictable. 

Sky Kitchen Cafe

I've blogged about this place before, so it's nothing new to Greg's Gourmet.  But the Sky Kitchen Cafe in San Carlos was one of my favorite restaurants to go as a kid.  My favorite meal was, of course, scrambled eggs and French fries.  And at the time the fries were actually steak fries which as we all know are like the Flying Fortresses of French fries.  In my recent trip around California and Nevada we had breakfast at the Sky Kitchen.  Didn't have scrambled eggs and French fries, but instead went with my second favorite meal there: the third pound cheeseburger:

The principles of framing apparently didn't apply to this picture

The cool thing about this burger other than being really, really tasty is that it's grilled fresh and put on a French roll.  Why a French roll?  I have no frickin' clue.  But it works.  Maybe it creates an illusion of a bigger burger than it actually is, who knows?  But this burger is truly delicious.  And the curly fries!  Whenever you see a menu offer curly fries it's like you just struck culinary gold. 

I've already raved about this place everywhere, so there's no point in digging deep.  It's a great diner with a retro feel situated in the San Carlos Airport and it's just a great place to be.  High recommend if you're in the area. 

MasterChef Recap Episode 16

MASTERCHEF

Episode 16

Ok, I have to rant about Hotel Hell for a second:

Seriously, Fox? Is a naked Gordon Ramsay really necessary?

Ramsay Rant #385: SERIOUSLY??? Gordon Ramsay naked? WHY? What's the point of this nonsense other than to generate discussion from celebrity bloggers such as myself? This once again reinstates my belief that Gordon Ramsay is spreading himself too thin (no pun intended).  This is nothing more than to generate discussion and revenue for the jerk producer who said "hey, we need some nudity in Gordon Ramsay's new show!"  Unbelievable.  Hotel Hell is just alright.  I like the food aspect of it, but other than that there's nothing overly special here.  Whatever.  I'll probably get a million views cause of the above picture.

Team Challenge: I like it when they bring a little bit of Hell's Kitchen (back when it was good) into MasterChef. But David Martinez picked second overall? Over Monti? What in the world?

Those appetizers and entrees look really good despite the fact that I can't actually pronounce any of them. 

Christine: "Monti can't hear and I can't see. Team Helen Keller!"  I love Christine's sense of humor.

Joe, massive Douche Alarm going off on Christine's culinary ability: "Definitely coat check room. She can't see. This is a live kitchen, Michelin starred restaurant. She can't do it, she's a liability."  Dude, really? And who was it who brought this liability into the MasterChef competition? And has kept her around into the top 6?  If you're that much of a dirtbag about her handicap THEN WHY THE HELL DO YOU KEEP HER AROUND???  Someone needs to sow a brain into that ice rink you call a head. 

Ramsay to David: "No, no, NO YOU DON'T F@&#(!* KNOW!!!"  This is the most accurate statement said of David thus far this season.

Joe, humbled by Christine: "Christine, I'm sorry I'm such a douche and said that your team was doomed because you can't see.  I'm a stupid jerk but I have to act this way otherwise Fox will kick me off the show.  Sorry, babe."

Bitchin' Becky: She ran her team well.  Really well.  Very impressive. 

Frank, strategy extraordinaire: Remember early in the season when he had the opportunity to save one person on his team and he offered to save pretty much everyone except himself?  And that was seen as a good move?  Well, this is an even better move.  Final 6?  Guaranteed spot in the Final 5?  Hell yes he should save himself. 

Josh vs. David: Wait...how is David still on this show?

Elimination Test: Three cuts of filet minion (rare, medium rare, well done).  That's one taste test I wish I could judge.

Walmart steaks: Another example of terrible product placement. 

David, a hog in heat: "I'm sweating like a hog in heat."  I was thinking of maybe a boar in humidity, but whatever.

I'll say this - Gordon Ramsay doing the ole trickster move by making it seem like Josh was going home WAS JUST SO SHOCKING I WAS ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT!!! IT'S LIKE HE'S NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE!!!

Josh, empty threat deliverer: "Now I'm back in the competition.  I'm gonna have to take Frank down.  He's outta here." Josh delivering those promises is like Congress saying they plan to balance the budget year after year.

So David went home.  It's funny cause two weeks ago the promo was "ANOTHER SHOCKING ELIMINATION!" but was anybody really shocked that David went?  I don't even know how he made it to the top 6.  Pretty cool that Graham gave him a job, though.

Good episode!

Hell's Kitchen Recap Episode 16

HELL'S KITCHEN

Episode 16

Wait...why am I here again?

First off - Hotel Hell premiere.  Ended with a To Be Continued, what a shocker.  But series premiere, ok, I can buy that.  Anyway - it's entertaining but, in my opinion, it's for the wrong reasons.  The whole show is just everyone trashing the owner.  I dunno - when it's just one guy getting the crap beaten out of him it's just not as fun.  They just spent an hour insulting this guy and, while the dude came off as a total goofball, it makes me wonder what the point is?  It was nice to see Gordon Ramsay actually putting some effort back into something.  He actually looked interested.  And I always like that he stands up for the workers.  I'll keep watching, but I hope there's more content than people ganging up on one guy.

Anyway...

You know how Seinfeld is an expert at product placement?  There's just something so phoney baloney when they're reading the card for the gift knife sets and actually have to announce the company that produces them. And it's not like "special edition Henckels Knives," but rather "special edition knives by Henckels".  Meh. 

Taste it Now Make it: Meh. 

Dana: "The only thing that could make this day better is if it were my boyfriend instead of Clemenza." Well, that ends that possibility. 

Justin: "For me it's a little degrading to sit there and iron."  For me it's a little degrading to sit here and watch you stink up this show, Justin.  Kudos to James to totally bitchslapping him with the personal effects. 

The Return Chef Challenge: For the second straight season, HK brings back a lineup of previous chefs, this time 6 runner-ups.  Last year the then-current HK chefs won the challenge, but I wonder what would have happened if they had lost?  Would one of the past chefs get a second chance?  I think that would be a good curveball.  Anyway, let's reintroduce ourselves. 

Russell:  Whoa, the Douche Alarm just sounded throughout all of Southern California. 

Christina on Russell: "I remember Russell for sure. What a f@*#(!( ass." 

Blue Jay: "I have two goals.  My first is to win Hell's Kitchen. My second is to sleep with Hollie."  Yeah, now I remember why I didn't like this guy. 

More Dana on Blue Jay: "Do you think your blue hair looks good? IT DOESN'T!" Seriously, has anybody ever told him how stupid he looks? 

Kevin: I can't say I really liked this guy during his run.  A sort of smugness about him that not even the entire Boston Red Sox organization can top. 

Paula: Still hot. Should have won season 5 easily.  How the hell did Danny win again?

Bonnie: Still hot, though she should bring back the platinum blonde hair.

Virginia: Still hot.  How the hell did she make it all the way to second again?  Oh yeah, cause she's hot.

Justin, pretend tough guy: "Don't be coming in here talking, running your mouth "oh somebody's going home." Yeah, somebody's going home. You're ass is going home tonight! Just like you did before you're going home again!" WHOOOOOA!!! We got a total badass on our hands here, ladies and gentlemen!

The Return Chef Challenge Part II: What was the point of this? I was hoping for some big twist but instead it was "the winning team is the returning chefs. Thanks for coming."  Dude, really?  Could we get some, like, production value here or something?

Nothing really amazing went on during dinner.  Russell thinks he's a gentleman which is like saying John Edwards has good moral values.  Robyn and Clemenza screwed up which is about as surprising as the US Men's Basketball team winning by 83 points over a team led by Ike Diogu. Fox made their best efforts to try and make us think that Dana was actually in trouble, which is as valid as saying that it's a good idea that YouTube doesn't let you pick your own thumbnail images when uploading videos.  You know, the usual. 

Robyn, crazy bitch: I wish I could get a few of the caffeine-injected gummy worms she's high on.  I called it that it would be either her or Clemenza going this episode.  Look for Clemenza to be eliminated next.  I'm not sure what it is with Robyn. Nobody in HK likes her yet she stresses the importance of teamwork.  Something just wasn't clicking with her.  

Oh, and by the way - for the 981st time this season "The person leaving Hell's Kitchen is...Clemenza...BACK IN LINE!"   HEY!  GORDON RAMSAY!! IT'S OLD AND IT'S PLAYED! GET A CLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pastino's Pasta & Pizza Review

We recently discussed the remarkable discovery of a breakfast of epic portions at Stagecoach Restaurant in Sacramento, California.  Needless to say, that meal kept me in check for most of the day, but come dinner time, duty called.  In Oakland we had dinner with family at a place that I blogged about last year called Pastino's Pasta and Pizza.  While it was great to be hanging out and dining with family, I was less than thrilled to go to Pastino's since I gave it a less than thrilling review last year based on the pepperoni calzone that had about as much pepperoni as Congress has representatives to make good decisions.

On this trip I elected to go with the Chicago Stuffed Pizza...with pepperoni.  Giving it another shot.  The results were a vast improvement:

STUFFED may be one of the best words in culinary history

I tell ya - this was sweet, sweet redemption.  I was shocked that this was the same place that had given me the deflated calzone just a year earlier.  This thing was STUFFED with pepperoni.  I mean STUFFED.  A flavor EXPLOSION that left me wanting more even after I had downed the whole thing and was ready to puke it back up.  Seriously - I am impressed. 

Everyone else enjoyed their meals and I can now give this place credit because this was truly a spectacular pizza.  Oh yeah, they also give you bread sticks.  Can't go wrong with bread sticks. 

Would be most interested in returning. 

Hell's Kitchen/MasterChef Repeats - August 6-7

Learn how to use an apostrophe! An apostropheeeeeeeeee

Once again, Hell's Kitchen and MasterChef will be on repeats for Monday, August 6 and Tuesday, August  7 to coincide with the Olympics. Both shows will return next week, however it'll be on a different schedule that will look something like this:

Monday, August 13
8PM - Hotel Hell PREMIERE
9PM - Hell's Kitchen NEW

Tuesday, August 14
8PM - Hotel Hell NEW
9PM - MasterChef NEW

The fact that Gordon Ramsay is now renovating hotels along with the deterioration of his bread and butter show, Hell's Kitchen, reinforces the idea that he's spreading himself too thin.  Maybe his next TV venture will be training one-legged athletes for triathlons since he's apparently an expert in everything.

So tonight HK will be repeating Kimmie and Brian's elimination. Click here to read my recap of the Kimmie episode and click here to read my recap of the Brian.  MasterChef will replay the return of 8 contestants including Doucheface Tali and Flavor Elevator Ryan followed by the Curious Case of David Martinez episode.

Do you think Ramsay's starting to spread himself too thin? I'd like to hear some other opinions since I'm constantly bitching about it.

In other news, I'd like to repost this picture of a breakfast I had at a place called Stagecoach in Sacramento from my road trip a couple weeks back.  It's...it's...epic:

This is called the REGULAR breakfast, which consists of 4 large eggs, a crapload of potatoes, 4 slices of bacon, and a biscuit.  Check out the full review here.

Like what you see?  Click here to become a fan on Facebook!

And just cause I saw Batman this weekend:

Stagecoach Review

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls - feast your eyes...ON THIS!

My eyes are having orgasms just looking at this

It's like I've just located the Ark of the Covenant or the Fountain of Youth or Mitt Romney's tax returns.  But the real clincher?  This is called...

...THE REGULAR BREAKFAST!!!

REGULAR!

Unfortunately Stagecoach, like so many other restaurants on this road trip for whatever reason, doesn't have a website and thus I can't easily locate their menu online, so I can't tell you the exact figures of this meal.  But they go something like this:

*Four large eggs
*A shitload of potatoes
*Four strips of bacon
*A biscuit

Upon walking in I knew this place was amazing.  When I checked out the menu I knew I was in for a treat.  And when I left I felt like my stomach had stretched far enough to qualify as a candidate for Cosmo Kramer's ocean liner bladder system.  It was that good and that filling.  Pretty unhealthy too I'd imagine but who cares about that?

It's a small but cozy location, lots of Southern style cuisine as well as comfort foods.  For the Eggs Benedict they actually give you THREE poached eggs.  THREE!  Name me another place that gives you three eggs in an Eggs Benedict and I'll find you the competitive spirit that those match-throwing Olympic Badminton players supposedly once had.

And oh yeah, they make a point of saying on the menu that the potatoes DO NOT include onions and peppers.  It's like they knew Greg's Gourmet was coming and custom made the menu especially for me!

A truly spectacular find.  Friendly service, nice little joint, but most of all - a Regular Breakfast that even Fat Bastard would be amazed at.

Check it out!