HELL'S KITCHEN
Episode 16
Wait...why am I here again?
First off - Hotel Hell premiere. Ended with a To Be Continued, what a shocker. But series premiere, ok, I can buy that. Anyway - it's entertaining but, in my opinion, it's for the wrong reasons. The whole show is just everyone trashing the owner. I dunno - when it's just one guy getting the crap beaten out of him it's just not as fun. They just spent an hour insulting this guy and, while the dude came off as a total goofball, it makes me wonder what the point is? It was nice to see Gordon Ramsay actually putting some effort back into something. He actually looked interested. And I always like that he stands up for the workers. I'll keep watching, but I hope there's more content than people ganging up on one guy.
Anyway...
You know how Seinfeld is an expert at product placement? There's just something so phoney baloney when they're reading the card for the gift knife sets and actually have to announce the company that produces them. And it's not like "special edition Henckels Knives," but rather "special edition knives by Henckels". Meh.
Taste it Now Make it: Meh.
Dana: "The only thing that could make this day better is if it were my boyfriend instead of Clemenza." Well, that ends that possibility.
Justin: "For me it's a little degrading to sit there and iron." For me it's a little degrading to sit here and watch you stink up this show, Justin. Kudos to James to totally bitchslapping him with the personal effects.
The Return Chef Challenge: For the second straight season, HK brings back a lineup of previous chefs, this time 6 runner-ups. Last year the then-current HK chefs won the challenge, but I wonder what would have happened if they had lost? Would one of the past chefs get a second chance? I think that would be a good curveball. Anyway, let's reintroduce ourselves.
Russell: Whoa, the Douche Alarm just sounded throughout all of Southern California.
Christina on Russell: "I remember Russell for sure. What a f@*#(!( ass."
Blue Jay: "I have two goals. My first is to win Hell's Kitchen. My second is to sleep with Hollie." Yeah, now I remember why I didn't like this guy.
More Dana on Blue Jay: "Do you think your blue hair looks good? IT DOESN'T!" Seriously, has anybody ever told him how stupid he looks?
Kevin: I can't say I really liked this guy during his run. A sort of smugness about him that not even the entire Boston Red Sox organization can top.
Paula: Still hot. Should have won season 5 easily. How the hell did Danny win again?
Bonnie: Still hot, though she should bring back the platinum blonde hair.
Virginia: Still hot. How the hell did she make it all the way to second again? Oh yeah, cause she's hot.
Justin, pretend tough guy: "Don't be coming in here talking, running your mouth "oh somebody's going home." Yeah, somebody's going home. You're ass is going home tonight! Just like you did before you're going home again!" WHOOOOOA!!! We got a total badass on our hands here, ladies and gentlemen!
The Return Chef Challenge Part II: What was the point of this? I was hoping for some big twist but instead it was "the winning team is the returning chefs. Thanks for coming." Dude, really? Could we get some, like, production value here or something?
Nothing really amazing went on during dinner. Russell thinks he's a gentleman which is like saying John Edwards has good moral values. Robyn and Clemenza screwed up which is about as surprising as the US Men's Basketball team winning by 83 points over a team led by Ike Diogu. Fox made their best efforts to try and make us think that Dana was actually in trouble, which is as valid as saying that it's a good idea that YouTube doesn't let you pick your own thumbnail images when uploading videos. You know, the usual.
Robyn, crazy bitch: I wish I could get a few of the caffeine-injected gummy worms she's high on. I called it that it would be either her or Clemenza going this episode. Look for Clemenza to be eliminated next. I'm not sure what it is with Robyn. Nobody in HK likes her yet she stresses the importance of teamwork. Something just wasn't clicking with her.
Oh, and by the way - for the 981st time this season "The person leaving Hell's Kitchen is...Clemenza...BACK IN LINE!" HEY! GORDON RAMSAY!! IT'S OLD AND IT'S PLAYED! GET A CLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!