Hell's Kitchen Recap Episode 17

HELL'S KITCHEN

Episode 17

"BLOODY HELL, THESE MUPPETS CAN'T COOK!"

Clemenza: "I get put up again for elimination and that just lit a spark cause you're gonna see a new Clemenza tomorrow." Seems like he says this each and every episode, yeah? 

Clemenza, delusional chef: After tasting Ramsay's chicken Parmesan, "Really?  My chicken Parm would blog that outta the water." 

Hell's Kitchen Cooking School: This is usually an interesting challenge, but who cares about that when you have a couple babes in high heels mistaking thongs for tongs. 

Dana, malfunctioning vocal cords: "I LOVE TEACHING! THIS IS WHAT I DO! I TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO COOK!"

Justin: "Mind you, they were Miss Teen USA, I wasn't thinking anything crazy." Just stop at "I wasn't thinking", Justin. We're all used to that out of you by now.

Clemenza, premature celebration: "When it comes to certain Italian things, I think I have marinara sauce flowing through my veins."  Two seconds later, Ramsay reveals that the tomatoes must have taken a crap in the sauce, cause it apparently really stinks. 

Justin, mocker: Dude makes Dana, Christina, and Clemenza pasta after they'd been preparing it all day.  I'd suggest that Justin maybe stop and think about what he's doing but I know that may be a little challenging for him.

Clemenza, premature celebration II as he pounds chicken breasts into deflated basketballs: "Dinner service is probably the most important thing I've ever done in my life tonight.  The Italian Stallion Clemenza is coming through, baby. Stand back, step off, watch out." Who can guess what happens to Clemenza by the end of this episode? 

Dana: "WE'RE ON DINNER SERVICE 14!"  We should also be on episode 14 if it weren't for an assault of To Be Continued's delivered by the higher-ups at Fox.  Thanks, guys.  

Barbie and Clemenza: I have no idea what the hell these two were up to during dinner service.  They were yelling at each other, they were sending up crap, and just generally being unproductive.  "Looks like someone literally peed in the frying pan and added butter." Pretty much defines dinner service. 

Announcer: "With Dana slipping on the meat station, Chef Ramsay looks to Justin to take control of the kitchen." If by "take control" you mean "lose control" then this is a great move.

Clemenza, broken record during 7th elimination nomination: "Cause I have done some good and I have done a lot of good. Tonight was an embarrassment. Being the Italianite, believe me, I wanted to shine. I wanted to do more. I did not quit once during service no matter what you said no matter what was thrown at me I kept going and going and going!  Chef, I've been a team player, I've battled through everything, I always give you 100%. Every time I come down I am ready for battle!" 

Clemenza finally got eliminated.  Amazing that he was put up 7 times and managed to finish 5th.  Clemenza had his moments, but there's a lot of holes in his game, namely consistency.  He'd have a really good moment and then sink back to earth. What I always found amusing is that whenever he had a blatantly terrible service he'd always blame someone else then go into his passionate heartfelt speech to Ramsay and get another chance.  The guy has passion, that can't be denied, but the consistency needs improvement.  I pegged him as a dark horse early in the season but as the episodes went on it became more and more obvious that he wasn't going to go anywhere.  

Announcer: "You WON'T BELIEVE who Chef Ramsay allows into Hell's Kitchen!!!"  Yeah, it's their families. You do this every season. Might wanna rewrite your script.  Plus you used this in last week's promo. Fox sucks.

Final Four: Christina will be in the finals.  Barbie won't.  That leaves Dana and Justin in the 2 and 3 slots. I've been saying this all along - given how bad most of this season has been I wouldn't be surprised to see Justin in the finals, but I'm pulling for Dana. I mean, listening to Justin give orders is like listening to a clothes hanger. By the way - what's this nonsense of eliminating half of the final four in one episode?  They did the same thing last season and it pisses me off.  In the better days of Hell's Kitchen we'd get one elimination from the Final Four, then one elimination from the final three, then a two episode finale.  And shit, after Fox went through all that effort to flesh out the season with all those bullshit To Be Continued's, why are they suddenly in a rush to wrap up things?  Eat me, Fox. 

Clemenza is like the immunity idol from Survivor; as long as he's around you're pretty much safe from elimination

Not a bad episode but it was predictable. 

Sky Kitchen Cafe

I've blogged about this place before, so it's nothing new to Greg's Gourmet.  But the Sky Kitchen Cafe in San Carlos was one of my favorite restaurants to go as a kid.  My favorite meal was, of course, scrambled eggs and French fries.  And at the time the fries were actually steak fries which as we all know are like the Flying Fortresses of French fries.  In my recent trip around California and Nevada we had breakfast at the Sky Kitchen.  Didn't have scrambled eggs and French fries, but instead went with my second favorite meal there: the third pound cheeseburger:

The principles of framing apparently didn't apply to this picture

The cool thing about this burger other than being really, really tasty is that it's grilled fresh and put on a French roll.  Why a French roll?  I have no frickin' clue.  But it works.  Maybe it creates an illusion of a bigger burger than it actually is, who knows?  But this burger is truly delicious.  And the curly fries!  Whenever you see a menu offer curly fries it's like you just struck culinary gold. 

I've already raved about this place everywhere, so there's no point in digging deep.  It's a great diner with a retro feel situated in the San Carlos Airport and it's just a great place to be.  High recommend if you're in the area. 

MasterChef Recap Episode 16

MASTERCHEF

Episode 16

Ok, I have to rant about Hotel Hell for a second:

Seriously, Fox? Is a naked Gordon Ramsay really necessary?

Ramsay Rant #385: SERIOUSLY??? Gordon Ramsay naked? WHY? What's the point of this nonsense other than to generate discussion from celebrity bloggers such as myself? This once again reinstates my belief that Gordon Ramsay is spreading himself too thin (no pun intended).  This is nothing more than to generate discussion and revenue for the jerk producer who said "hey, we need some nudity in Gordon Ramsay's new show!"  Unbelievable.  Hotel Hell is just alright.  I like the food aspect of it, but other than that there's nothing overly special here.  Whatever.  I'll probably get a million views cause of the above picture.

Team Challenge: I like it when they bring a little bit of Hell's Kitchen (back when it was good) into MasterChef. But David Martinez picked second overall? Over Monti? What in the world?

Those appetizers and entrees look really good despite the fact that I can't actually pronounce any of them. 

Christine: "Monti can't hear and I can't see. Team Helen Keller!"  I love Christine's sense of humor.

Joe, massive Douche Alarm going off on Christine's culinary ability: "Definitely coat check room. She can't see. This is a live kitchen, Michelin starred restaurant. She can't do it, she's a liability."  Dude, really? And who was it who brought this liability into the MasterChef competition? And has kept her around into the top 6?  If you're that much of a dirtbag about her handicap THEN WHY THE HELL DO YOU KEEP HER AROUND???  Someone needs to sow a brain into that ice rink you call a head. 

Ramsay to David: "No, no, NO YOU DON'T F@&#(!* KNOW!!!"  This is the most accurate statement said of David thus far this season.

Joe, humbled by Christine: "Christine, I'm sorry I'm such a douche and said that your team was doomed because you can't see.  I'm a stupid jerk but I have to act this way otherwise Fox will kick me off the show.  Sorry, babe."

Bitchin' Becky: She ran her team well.  Really well.  Very impressive. 

Frank, strategy extraordinaire: Remember early in the season when he had the opportunity to save one person on his team and he offered to save pretty much everyone except himself?  And that was seen as a good move?  Well, this is an even better move.  Final 6?  Guaranteed spot in the Final 5?  Hell yes he should save himself. 

Josh vs. David: Wait...how is David still on this show?

Elimination Test: Three cuts of filet minion (rare, medium rare, well done).  That's one taste test I wish I could judge.

Walmart steaks: Another example of terrible product placement. 

David, a hog in heat: "I'm sweating like a hog in heat."  I was thinking of maybe a boar in humidity, but whatever.

I'll say this - Gordon Ramsay doing the ole trickster move by making it seem like Josh was going home WAS JUST SO SHOCKING I WAS ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT!!! IT'S LIKE HE'S NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE!!!

Josh, empty threat deliverer: "Now I'm back in the competition.  I'm gonna have to take Frank down.  He's outta here." Josh delivering those promises is like Congress saying they plan to balance the budget year after year.

So David went home.  It's funny cause two weeks ago the promo was "ANOTHER SHOCKING ELIMINATION!" but was anybody really shocked that David went?  I don't even know how he made it to the top 6.  Pretty cool that Graham gave him a job, though.

Good episode!

Hell's Kitchen Recap Episode 16

HELL'S KITCHEN

Episode 16

Wait...why am I here again?

First off - Hotel Hell premiere.  Ended with a To Be Continued, what a shocker.  But series premiere, ok, I can buy that.  Anyway - it's entertaining but, in my opinion, it's for the wrong reasons.  The whole show is just everyone trashing the owner.  I dunno - when it's just one guy getting the crap beaten out of him it's just not as fun.  They just spent an hour insulting this guy and, while the dude came off as a total goofball, it makes me wonder what the point is?  It was nice to see Gordon Ramsay actually putting some effort back into something.  He actually looked interested.  And I always like that he stands up for the workers.  I'll keep watching, but I hope there's more content than people ganging up on one guy.

Anyway...

You know how Seinfeld is an expert at product placement?  There's just something so phoney baloney when they're reading the card for the gift knife sets and actually have to announce the company that produces them. And it's not like "special edition Henckels Knives," but rather "special edition knives by Henckels".  Meh. 

Taste it Now Make it: Meh. 

Dana: "The only thing that could make this day better is if it were my boyfriend instead of Clemenza." Well, that ends that possibility. 

Justin: "For me it's a little degrading to sit there and iron."  For me it's a little degrading to sit here and watch you stink up this show, Justin.  Kudos to James to totally bitchslapping him with the personal effects. 

The Return Chef Challenge: For the second straight season, HK brings back a lineup of previous chefs, this time 6 runner-ups.  Last year the then-current HK chefs won the challenge, but I wonder what would have happened if they had lost?  Would one of the past chefs get a second chance?  I think that would be a good curveball.  Anyway, let's reintroduce ourselves. 

Russell:  Whoa, the Douche Alarm just sounded throughout all of Southern California. 

Christina on Russell: "I remember Russell for sure. What a f@*#(!( ass." 

Blue Jay: "I have two goals.  My first is to win Hell's Kitchen. My second is to sleep with Hollie."  Yeah, now I remember why I didn't like this guy. 

More Dana on Blue Jay: "Do you think your blue hair looks good? IT DOESN'T!" Seriously, has anybody ever told him how stupid he looks? 

Kevin: I can't say I really liked this guy during his run.  A sort of smugness about him that not even the entire Boston Red Sox organization can top. 

Paula: Still hot. Should have won season 5 easily.  How the hell did Danny win again?

Bonnie: Still hot, though she should bring back the platinum blonde hair.

Virginia: Still hot.  How the hell did she make it all the way to second again?  Oh yeah, cause she's hot.

Justin, pretend tough guy: "Don't be coming in here talking, running your mouth "oh somebody's going home." Yeah, somebody's going home. You're ass is going home tonight! Just like you did before you're going home again!" WHOOOOOA!!! We got a total badass on our hands here, ladies and gentlemen!

The Return Chef Challenge Part II: What was the point of this? I was hoping for some big twist but instead it was "the winning team is the returning chefs. Thanks for coming."  Dude, really?  Could we get some, like, production value here or something?

Nothing really amazing went on during dinner.  Russell thinks he's a gentleman which is like saying John Edwards has good moral values.  Robyn and Clemenza screwed up which is about as surprising as the US Men's Basketball team winning by 83 points over a team led by Ike Diogu. Fox made their best efforts to try and make us think that Dana was actually in trouble, which is as valid as saying that it's a good idea that YouTube doesn't let you pick your own thumbnail images when uploading videos.  You know, the usual. 

Robyn, crazy bitch: I wish I could get a few of the caffeine-injected gummy worms she's high on.  I called it that it would be either her or Clemenza going this episode.  Look for Clemenza to be eliminated next.  I'm not sure what it is with Robyn. Nobody in HK likes her yet she stresses the importance of teamwork.  Something just wasn't clicking with her.  

Oh, and by the way - for the 981st time this season "The person leaving Hell's Kitchen is...Clemenza...BACK IN LINE!"   HEY!  GORDON RAMSAY!! IT'S OLD AND IT'S PLAYED! GET A CLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pastino's Pasta & Pizza Review

We recently discussed the remarkable discovery of a breakfast of epic portions at Stagecoach Restaurant in Sacramento, California.  Needless to say, that meal kept me in check for most of the day, but come dinner time, duty called.  In Oakland we had dinner with family at a place that I blogged about last year called Pastino's Pasta and Pizza.  While it was great to be hanging out and dining with family, I was less than thrilled to go to Pastino's since I gave it a less than thrilling review last year based on the pepperoni calzone that had about as much pepperoni as Congress has representatives to make good decisions.

On this trip I elected to go with the Chicago Stuffed Pizza...with pepperoni.  Giving it another shot.  The results were a vast improvement:

STUFFED may be one of the best words in culinary history

I tell ya - this was sweet, sweet redemption.  I was shocked that this was the same place that had given me the deflated calzone just a year earlier.  This thing was STUFFED with pepperoni.  I mean STUFFED.  A flavor EXPLOSION that left me wanting more even after I had downed the whole thing and was ready to puke it back up.  Seriously - I am impressed. 

Everyone else enjoyed their meals and I can now give this place credit because this was truly a spectacular pizza.  Oh yeah, they also give you bread sticks.  Can't go wrong with bread sticks. 

Would be most interested in returning. 

Hell's Kitchen/MasterChef Repeats - August 6-7

Learn how to use an apostrophe! An apostropheeeeeeeeee

Once again, Hell's Kitchen and MasterChef will be on repeats for Monday, August 6 and Tuesday, August  7 to coincide with the Olympics. Both shows will return next week, however it'll be on a different schedule that will look something like this:

Monday, August 13
8PM - Hotel Hell PREMIERE
9PM - Hell's Kitchen NEW

Tuesday, August 14
8PM - Hotel Hell NEW
9PM - MasterChef NEW

The fact that Gordon Ramsay is now renovating hotels along with the deterioration of his bread and butter show, Hell's Kitchen, reinforces the idea that he's spreading himself too thin.  Maybe his next TV venture will be training one-legged athletes for triathlons since he's apparently an expert in everything.

So tonight HK will be repeating Kimmie and Brian's elimination. Click here to read my recap of the Kimmie episode and click here to read my recap of the Brian.  MasterChef will replay the return of 8 contestants including Doucheface Tali and Flavor Elevator Ryan followed by the Curious Case of David Martinez episode.

Do you think Ramsay's starting to spread himself too thin? I'd like to hear some other opinions since I'm constantly bitching about it.

In other news, I'd like to repost this picture of a breakfast I had at a place called Stagecoach in Sacramento from my road trip a couple weeks back.  It's...it's...epic:

This is called the REGULAR breakfast, which consists of 4 large eggs, a crapload of potatoes, 4 slices of bacon, and a biscuit.  Check out the full review here.

Like what you see?  Click here to become a fan on Facebook!

And just cause I saw Batman this weekend:

Stagecoach Review

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls - feast your eyes...ON THIS!

My eyes are having orgasms just looking at this

It's like I've just located the Ark of the Covenant or the Fountain of Youth or Mitt Romney's tax returns.  But the real clincher?  This is called...

...THE REGULAR BREAKFAST!!!

REGULAR!

Unfortunately Stagecoach, like so many other restaurants on this road trip for whatever reason, doesn't have a website and thus I can't easily locate their menu online, so I can't tell you the exact figures of this meal.  But they go something like this:

*Four large eggs
*A shitload of potatoes
*Four strips of bacon
*A biscuit

Upon walking in I knew this place was amazing.  When I checked out the menu I knew I was in for a treat.  And when I left I felt like my stomach had stretched far enough to qualify as a candidate for Cosmo Kramer's ocean liner bladder system.  It was that good and that filling.  Pretty unhealthy too I'd imagine but who cares about that?

It's a small but cozy location, lots of Southern style cuisine as well as comfort foods.  For the Eggs Benedict they actually give you THREE poached eggs.  THREE!  Name me another place that gives you three eggs in an Eggs Benedict and I'll find you the competitive spirit that those match-throwing Olympic Badminton players supposedly once had.

And oh yeah, they make a point of saying on the menu that the potatoes DO NOT include onions and peppers.  It's like they knew Greg's Gourmet was coming and custom made the menu especially for me!

A truly spectacular find.  Friendly service, nice little joint, but most of all - a Regular Breakfast that even Fat Bastard would be amazed at.

Check it out!