Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Funny Key Words

You can find Greg's Gourmet across the Internetz using a variety of search terms.  Here are some of the funniest and randomestestestestest that have found their way to my page:

dick mints
disgusting things
disgusting things to eat
extremely fat wife
gummy shark 7 ft
old fat horny grandma
sdsu uncensored
caesar is so awesome
ceo of dominos is a douche
dominos ceo commercial seems like a jerk
i cant stand patrick doyle
i hate patrick Doyle pizza
ice cream dick
mcbites cannibalism
romantic things to do for guys
strawberries all over face
fat guy in thong
fast food mafia
fat guy in thong at beach
fat ppl ru
i hate that "get your own" cheerios commercial

Not sure how the fat guys and thongs and dick mints are finding their way here, but whatever.

One of my first posts proposed the question of What's the Difference Between Red Vines and Cherry Vines with the most logical answer that the Red Vines are simply flavored as...original.  Or strawberry.  But there's another "Vine" out there making the rounds: Grape Vines!



I first had these last year but didn't think to photograph them.  They're actually really good.  A notable addition to the Vine Family. 

And here's a giant Hershey's Kiss:



Oh, and because it's just so good:


I LOVE these 5 dollar meal deals from Albertsons.  At my wedding these will be all that'll we'll serve.  Oddly enough, I didn't get a stomach ache this time around.  Maybe my body is adjusting to the greasy sodium and gallons of fat juice.

Thanks for reading!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Introducing Gourmet Games!

Okay, so, I've been a bit behind in the Gourmet with work, school, and getting my writing ready for competition...BUT, I've got a fun new thing to share today that may or may not become a reoccurring feature on the site: GOURMET GAMES!

Below is a matching/memory game that I coded in Flash from ActionScript 3.0.  Note: may not work on phones.  I'm still not sure how the Flash and mobile technology work exactly.  Oh yeah, I'm also aware that the site comes out kind of funky on the iPhone, and I'm working on a fix.  Anyway, for your pleasure, Greg's Gourmet: The Matching Game!


Note: if either of the embedded Flash files give you the message "missing plug-in", try installing the latest version of Flash Player.  It's free!

Originally I had included a music player but it made the file too big and in turn took too long to load, so instead I'm embedding it separately in the event that you'd like to listen to some soothing music over the burping and belching:


*Sound provided by freesound.org.  Music and license purchased from footagefirm.com

I really enjoy Flash and the scripting language, especially when I get it to do what I want.  Flash is an incredibly powerful program that you can do pretty much anything with; websites, games, programs, chat applets, animation, music player, drawing - you name it.  It can also be tedious because A) your code has to be 100% correct and B) sometimes your project may not work the way you want because of something rudimentary.  For example, the score and time weren't coming up after the game and I couldn't figure out why.  It turned out the text boxes I had used weren't long enough to display the information.  Hur hur hur.

But anyway, I hope you enjoyed this.  I sure did.  If you'd like to leave your high score and time in the comments, we can create a list and the person with the highest score will win obscenely awesome bragging rights.


                SCORES                    TIMES
              Josh - 1680               Tim - 1:02
              Angelo - 1655             Josh - 1:13
              Greg - 1620               Katie - 1:31

              Tim - 1575                Greg - 1:37
              Katie - 1550              Angelo - 1:55
              Trish - 1470              Trish - 4:38
                                
Thanks for reading!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Ancient Egymtian

I thought these would be fun to share.  There's an old gym at the rec center by my neighborhood that I regularly go to.  It's currently in the process of being renovated, so all of the old, obsolete exercise machines are being moved out in favor of new modern ones.  Regardless of all the junk I post on here, I always stress the importance of everyday exercise in some capacity.  Retroactively, other people over the last 17 decades have felt the same with these machines.  Check 'em out:

An exercise bike that William Howard Taft may have used prior to gaining 300 pounds

This is a nifty little exercise bike.  The ski pole-style handlebars serve as a lever for the front wheel, which is actually a built-in manual air conditioner.  That's right: it's a fan.  Pretty cool idea.  Of course the bikes right next to it come with built-in fans that you can turn on and off, whereas this one you get the cooling system whether you want it or not.  There's a computer on board, but it fried itself back when the country still had 48 states.

The fan.  Cool combo deal

Another fried exercise bike that looks like it was made out of Legos

So this bike I've never used or tried to use.  The design of this is just...square.  It's lame.  I think maybe one person has used this in the two years I've been going here.  

I think I saw one of these in those old gym photos from the Titanic

Okay, so, I have no idea what this is.  I use it for pull-ups, but all these other bars and weights and gears are a mystery to me. 


There's weights, there's a sort of bike-chain thing, and there's a little hook down there.  I have no clue.

Stair machine that pre-dates escalators

This machine actually still works okay and it's pretty straight forward.  Get on the steps, go up and down, get ripped calves.  

If the machine a few pictures up was on the Titanic then this one was on the Mayflower

This is a machine for working your mid-section/abs/torso/whatever.  I avoided this one for a long time because it looked so outdated that I thought it would break if I sat on it.  Still gets the job done, though.

Do they even make these anymore?

So this scale here has a ledger on it for when it was last inspected, and the most recent date goes back to February 1985.  To put things into perspective, that was before Marty went Back to the Future.  

I spend most of my workouts using the dead-weight machines, barbels, and the elliptical, but those are a little more modern.  While most of these machines still work, it's pretty obvious how out-of-date the technology is.  It'll be nice to get some new equipment, but these have an understated charm to them.  They also help work off stuff like this:

50 extra pounds for only $3.95

So the Bone Crusher left these for me, unknowingly exposing one of my greatest weaknesses.  I haven't had real donuts in years.  Like, years.  I had Krispy Kremes a couple years back, and prior to that it was in Rocklin when I last had some.  I don't know why I've gone so long or even how I've managed to do it.  But seeing these was like setting off a bomb in my head.  I ate 3 that night, ate the other 3 the following day.  And they were so frickin' good, holy crap.  They came from a place called Christy's Donuts in Point Loma, and upon first glance on the Internets it looks like there's multiple restaurants but I can't tell if it's a chain or coincidence.  

They also tasted just like the donuts my dad and I used to get from the Donut House in Redwood City, CA.  That brought back nice memories.  That old fashioned donut in the upper left was the best.  An oldie but a goodie.  


Man, those were good.  Needed every bit of oil left in those old machines to work them off ahaha.

Thanks for reading!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Great Success!

It's not quite Food On My Dog, but it's a start! 


Cara really doesn't enjoy being taken advantage of for entertainment as evidenced by her stoic, I-want-to-eat-your-face-and-floss-with-your-tendons expression...but she did get the corn flake.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Thursday Night Junk

Developing story: I enjoy snacking on Mott's apple sauces.  Strawberry, blueberry, original - they're all good.  But recently a flag went up with the purchase of the Country Berry sauce.  This stuff tasted TERRIBLE!  Like the thought of James Blunt coming out with a new album terrible.  It tasted like it was coated with coagulated cardboard covered in stale dog vomit.  I'm not joking - this stuff was just rancid.

So I contacted the company asking if they had changed the recipe.  I know it's hard to believe, but sometimes companies willingly make their products worse for whatever reason (New Coke, Windows Millennium Version, any change Facebook has ever made).  Mott's has stayed in contact with me, being very insistent on sending me a coupon for a free product for the trouble...but no one has answered my question.  I think the second time I e-mailed them I also asked if perhaps the product "wasn't prepared properly" to put it nicely.  But still no answer to my specific questions.  I'm curious.  Will keep you posted.

Anyway, I've got some delicious junk food to show off this evening from none other than the Great Plaza Buffet in Pacific Beach:

Steak that's still moving around - just the way I like it

Little bit of everything here: more steak, potatoes, pizza, ribs, chicken

A blend of orange chicken, honey chicken, hot pepper chicken, teriyaki chicken, and Mongolian beef circulated around white rice

The Transition Plate: salad and fruit (strawberries, banana, grapes, kiwi, cantaloupe)

Pretty bad plating, but dessert of two cream puffs, chocolate cake, Jello, chocolate/banana pudding, and raspberry mousse

Five full plates nearly got me sick but it was totally worth it.  Nothing quite like stuffing your face at a buffet.

Also, see that raspberry mousse up there?


Okay, so, when I was living at State, we would frequent this place for dinner called Cuic, and it was basically an all-you-can-eat buffet for $10.80.  The food was mediocre at best.  Sometimes they had good stuff, but most of the time we'd leave there feeling really, really sick.  I remember one night they had a seafood bar and mostly everyone in our group got sick from it (except me.  I was on my seafood strike at the time).  BrandonWhereLandon, Austin Ferrari, and JZ were all sent to the latrines that night.  But anyway, one night they had this thing for dessert called Raspberry Mousse. 

It looked similar to the above and unlike everything else at Cuic, it tasted delicious.  Every night afterward we would go back anticipating its return to the dessert display...but it never came.  They had blueberry mousse once or twice and I think they may have had a watermelon mousse...but never again the raspberry mousse.  Seeing it at the buffet was pretty remarkable.  It didn't taste anything like the Cuic version, but it was still kinda funny to see again.

And here's a fantastic cake put together by Creative Distribution Specialist Caroline:

Tom Brady probably still couldn't complete the Hail Mary even if this was the field

Thanks for reading!

Monday, February 13, 2012

Food. Dog. Head.

You've gotta check out this blog called Food On My Dog.  Required Gourmet viewing material.  It's absolutely hilarious.  It's always a popular trick to try and balance food on your dog's head/snout, but it's one of the toughest things to teach and train.  This dog, Tiger, has it down to an art.  It's amazing to see the kind of stuff this dog will balance on her head.  Everything from fried eggs to cucumbers to crackerjacks.  It's pretty amazing.  And she gets to eat most of it, so it's got a good payoff for her.

Special thanks to longtime friend of Greg's Gourmet, The Original Goonie, for supplying the link.  I actually had no idea of Goonie's YouTube account until I asked her if she had a site I could share.  If you ever need, want, or desire anything Goonie (and if you don't know what I'm talking about then shame on you) she's got the hook up to pretty much the entire Goonie universe.  Anyway, her YouTube has an arsenal of Goonie-related videos including interviews and interactions conducted by her with members of the cast, with some of the videos eclipsing 100,000 views.  Check it out.

Back to the main topic, there's no way I can do this with Cara, but I managed to get away with it with one of the pits:

All of a sudden that raw fish stench from next door kinda smells like filet mignon

The dork actually had no idea that I had put the beef on his head.  He was just sitting there for over a minute while people were laughing at him and he couldn't figure out why.  Eventually he stood up and it slid off but...I mean damn, dude.  He's a really bright dog and learns fast, but he's evidently slow in certain areas.  Cara, on the other hand, is really, really smart so there's no sneaking food onto her head.  I tried today and failed.  But here's an old picture of her from the Sacramento days with an empty box of hot chocolate on her snout:


And here's a picture of her chewing a giant block of ice, also from Sacramento:


So obviously there's no amazing junk food today.  Check out the dog blog instead.  Though here's a picture of a really creepy looking empty vending machine that you'd find at some abandoned gas station in the middle of West Virginia...except this one was outside my dentist's office:


It's amazing that that one Red Vines pack is still there.  Plus some candy bar and cracker pack on the bottom level.  I dunno, seeing an empty vending machine is usually the first sign that cannibalistic hillbillies are nearby.  Or, on the other hand, since it's outside the dentist's office, maybe they raid it so we don't rot our teeth with sugar and sodium.  Could be a conspiracy...of course, if it's a dental conspiracy then chances are they'd WANT it to be stocked with as much sugar as possible so we rot our teeth which in turn pushes business.  It's an interesting question that I should probably submit to the GOP for one of their debates.  

Oh, here's a scone from Charlie's Best Bread for good measure:


Thanks for reading!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Thursday Night Gourmet

Here's some impressive junk food I've eaten in the last week that'll be sure to anger even the most powerful stomachs before hitting the hay tonight.


The $5 Meal Deal from Albertsons.  This is quickly becoming one of my favorite "fast food" meals, especially when they give me far more food than they should, as seen here.  But really, the above is quite ample.  In fact, I usually struggle to finish and actually wound up saving a couple of the wings and wedges.  But man...wings, wedges, mac n' cheese.  Few things taste as good.  Few things also give me as bad of a stomach ache as these meals do, but I love them anyway.  This is actually one of the few meals that can impair me if I workout in the afternoon.  McDonald's?  Not anymore.  Buffets?  No problem.  Albertsons $5 Meal Deal?  Gets me every time.  And I love it.

Hello again, Truffle Shuffle

Here's a Pipeline, a burger topped with chili and bacon, from Islands.  Usually I don't get bacon...or chili for that matter, but I was especially hungry on this day.  Let me tell ya - Islands makes big burgers.  You get your money's worth.  Now if only they could make better drinks...

And this tasty little tidbit is from the Bone Crusher:

Extra Dark for extra late Gourmet

Thanks for reading!