Hell's Kitchen, Season 11, Episode 17 Recap

HELL'S KITCHEN

SEASON 11, EPISODE 17 RECAP

This is now how I feel about my once favorite show

Wait, what?  There was an episode last Thursday?  Ooooh that's right; I opted instead to eat dinner and then watch the Spurs have their spirits broken by the Heat in game 7, then I saw the last three minutes where yet again we are spoon fed a big pile of to be continued.  Therefore I could care less of how this episode went, though I do recall Gordon saying he was only giving out four black jackets and, low and behold, he gives out five.  Again, I could care less as to why.

Hell's Kitchen, Season 11, Episode 6 Recap

HELL'S KITCHEN

Season 11, Episode 6 Recap

"What's that smell?  Oh yeah, must be my reality television career."

Yeah, this is about 5 days late, but I don't care since I heard it ends with another TBC.  If Gordon Ramsay is gonna spew his nonsense on the show then I will, too.  

Jeremy goes home: WHOA!!! WHAT A COMPLETE AND UTTER SURPRISE!  I TOTALLY DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING!  I SURE AM GLAD GORDON RAMSAY MADE ME WAIT A WHOLE F-ING WEEK TO SEE THIS.  BITE ME!!!

Mary might be pregnant: I don't know what's scarier: Mary being pregnant, or the fact that someone actually impregnated her.

Gordon Ramsay, Peeping Tom: Why the hell are there cameras in the bathroom?...

Mike-Wikey, douche: "Once again I'm really worried about Dan the most going into tonight's service because I just question his food knowledge and his experience."  This is the kinda guy that sea crews commit mutiny against.

Nidra, ear biter: "You don't wanna f@*# with me. I'm Mike Tyson, bitch."  The scary thing is a smack from one of her boobs may be as hard if not harder than a whack from Iron Mike. 

Cliche inspirational quotes: "Guys don't cook with your emotions...UNLESS IT'S FIRE AND PASSION!"

Zachy-Wacky: "I can almost guarantee a win tonight."  You can almost guarantee a win when the odds are 50% chance of winning anyway?  You're bold, bro. 

Alright, I can't stand this.  He's getting the wait staff out to talk about how hard their jobs are?  One bitch said she almost lost her job the other night because a couple customers were complaining?  NEWS FLASH: YOU'RE ON A TV SHOW!  HELL'S KITCHEN IS A TELEVISION SET!!! And most of all...YOU'RE A F*@*$#( ACTRESS!!!   You really expect me to believe that they actually hired real servers?  So, what, they work on HK three weeks out of the year and then casually go back to their usual day jobs?  Bite me.  These are all actors and actresses trying to make it in LA.  Almost lost your job?  I almost lost my lunch at how horrible HK has turned this season. 

Danny Boy: "I don't like waiters, f@*! them they're annooooooying."  So are yoooooooou.

Logical issues: So the kitchens are at a standstill because Jessica and Barret have crappy handwriting (or because Gordon Ramsay needs some fun material for the cameras).  So like...what happened to all of the other servers that "work" in HK?  Are they, like, off for the night or something?  We were just fed this horribly scripted skit about how the servers take all this crap because of the kitchen's inability to cook, so, like, where are they? 

Danny Boy, that's what he said: "I keep trying to get in there, I keep getting shut down."

'Bout to go Mike Tyson on your ass

Ray, awesome comeback: "Are you f@*#&@& kidding me?  Really?  Put a f@&#!(# red jacket on, grab your f@&!()# tampons, and go on the f@&!($) red team.  Please."  Hahaha awesome.

Gordon: Hey!  Dumber and Dumber?

Entire Blue Team: Yes chef?

Sous Chef Dude who replaced Sous Chef Scott: I can't remember this guy's name, but I love that he storms into the dorm pretending to be all pissed off.  "I'M BESIDE MYSELF!"  Yeah, I'm sure you are, dude-whose-name-no-one-knows.

Maybe if you didn't do so many TBC's you wouldn't be so angry right now, Gordon.

Danny Boy vs. Ray-Ray: So here's the thing...Danny Boy really is a little bitch and Ray's totally serving it to him.  But on the other hand Ray totally f-ed up service tonight any way you look at it.  Remember how in the last episode's promo they tried to make us think Ray got into a fight with Amanda?  Yeah, nice try.

To Be Continued:  Bite me.  Here's what'll happen: Mary and Nedra are going to the Blue Team, Ray is going to the Red Team, and Danny Boy is going home.  Book it. 

BUS COUNT: Zachy-Wacky informed Mary that her red comrades threw her under the bus faster than anything.  Season total: 7.

Hell's Kitchen, Season 11, Episode 5 Recap

HELL'S KITCHEN

Season 11, Episode 4

"See this finger?  I like to shove it up my ass."

Worst episode ever.  Up yours, Gordon Ramsay.  This is one of the reasons why Season 10 was the worst season in HK history, because of horseshit like this.  Guys, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: JEREMY GOES HOME.  WHOA!!!  WHAT A SHOCKER RIGHT???  GOOD THING THEY EASED THE TENSION AND DELAYED IT UNTIL NEXT WEEK CAUSE IT'S JUST SO SHOCKING.  What was an otherwise decent episode was completely ruined by the anti-climactic and predictable ending.  This isn't the first time Gordon's gone across the aisle to eliminate someone, and Jeremy's been asking for it.  That's cool, though.  Half-assed episode gets a half-assed recap.

The Pallet Challenge: Cool new take on the challenge with 50 raw proteins displayed in the dining room and the contestants need to match a protein with a dish prepared by Ramsay.  Naturally there was some idiocy that ensued. 

Mikey Wikey and No-Hawk:  Turkey meatballs.  They had to identify some dag gone turkey meatballs and it took these jokers like 10 tries to figure it out.  "Rabbit meatballs?  F@*# OFF!"  Dude, seriously.  Is rabbit even big enough to make meatballs out of?  And then goat meatball?  Dude, wtf is wrong with these clowns?

Kangaroo Meatballs: "Are you hopping mad?  When was the last time you had a kangaroo meatball?"  

No-Hawk: "I feel like I'm completely letting my team down at this point.  I feel I just need to stop, think, and go 'what is it?'"  Wait, are you trying to tell me that you weren't thinking when you had the audacity to mistake turkey meatballs for f@*#!&$ rabbit and kangaroo?  Douchebag.

Cyndi, weird taste buds: "My heart's pumping, I'm throwing shit in my mouth."  

Ray, troll alert: "Oh, I thought it was kangaroo."  Apparently duck is as exotic of a meat as turkey. 

Cyndi, sex change beggar: "If I was on the guy's team right now I'd be begging for a sex change."  If I was you I'd be begging for a liposuction.

Only the most modern techniques in Hell's Kitchen

Amanda, driving up PCH: For those who don't know, PCH is Pacific Coast Highway, AKA Highway 1.  It goes up the entire coast of California and is an absolutely beautiful drive.

Gabrielle Reece and Laird Hamilton: Who...the...FARK are these people?  Oh, volleyball and surfing, of course!  BECAUSE SURFING AND VOLLEYBALL ARE SUCH MAINSTREAM SPORTS AND REECE AND HAMILTON ARE HOUSEHOLD NAMES, RIGHT???   I mean at least Ryan Hollins plays a sport that people watch.  Come on, guys.  Why don't we just bring Lee DeWyze back as a Guest of (dis)Honor while we're at it.

Nidra, thinking of the Hoff: "I feel like I'm on Baywatch."  Yeah, well, you're not.

Jeremy's ailment: Of course it's great that he's okay.  As someone who frequently forgets to eat meals, I can vouch for what happened.  I know what you're thinking - how the hell does Greg's Gourmet forget to eat meals?  

Ray, troll alert II: "Doctor said he needs to eat more, I think he needs a second opinion." 

Gordon Ramsay, alarm clock: I like how during breakfast service he questions "can you wake up a little bit?!"  Well, shit, Gordon - you wake up the guys at 4 and the girls at 6:30, they're on less than 5 hours of sleep.  What do you want?!

Jeremy and the sample scrambled eggs: For some reason Jeremy tried to pass off the sample scrambled eggs, which were cooked at least an hour prior to dinner service.  

Ramsay: Why are you using the soggy ones when you have the toasted ones behind you?
Nidra: Yes, chef.

Ramsay: NO!  Not "yes, chef"!  Why are you using the soggy ones?!

Nidra, pancake flipper: "How am I supposed to flip a pancake without a spatula?  Am I supposed to flip it with the bottom of my toes?" No, Nidra, I'm pretty sure for all of our sanity you don't want to do that. 

Nidra in her audition video for The Walking Dead

Nidra, total bitch: Nidra becomes targeted for elimination and instead turns the tables onto Mary which doesn't make a lot of sense.  She then goes on some tantrum that I couldn't understand outside of "BITCH YOU BITCH FACE BITCH ASS".  Nidra really screwed up this service and deserved to go up instead of Mary.  Amanda and Ja'nel defending their respective choices is fine, but Cyndi blindly nominating Mary is ridiculous.  You can tell who the leaders are and who are the followers. 

Once again, Jeremy is going home.  Clearly the idiot who was producing last season's episodes managed to troll their way into this episode cause this is the kind of horseshit that completely ruined season 10.  It's amazing that nobody at Fox either A) has the brains to realize how horrible of an idea this is to put a TBC on an episode like this and B) no one has the balls to suggest that maybe this is a horrible idea.  Why do we even need a TBC?  Remember when every episode used to have a beginning, middle, and end?  This is just stupid. 

TBC my ass.